We have just been informed by the good people of Mercy Lounge, that if you are in need of lodging for the days surrounding the 25th, you can get a 20% discount at the nearby Best Western on Music Row if you say Mercy Lounge sent you(that was a remarkably long but somewhat acceptable sentence). All you have to do is ask for the manager named Poonam, and mention Mercy Lounge. (615) 242-1631. One word of advice, however, never look Poonam in the eye…because it may cost you yours.
We hope this info helps keep you off the dark and lonely streets.

We’re down to the last stretch. Under one day until we unveil another countdown that will slowly tick and tock its way until the ACTUAL release of Act II….on December 21, 2012.

Until then, I would like to thank all of you who have already reached for the stars and locked down your very own fancy private unadulterated physical copy of Act II…you’re like family now…well, sort of like family. I guess you’re not so much like family as you are like a bunch of creepy internet stalkers that give us your hard-earned bad-economy money from time to time. We know money is hard to come by. We know you work your fingers to the bone. We know you’re just a steel town girl on a Saturday night, looking for the fight of your life. Either way, what I’m trying to say is, we appreciate the hell out of you and your creepiness.

Now, as for the rest of you, I’m not going to say that if you don’t Pre-Order Act II right now, we’re going to come to your school and dip your head in a toilet in front of your friends, acquaintances, and that cute girl/guy you like. I won’t say that we’ll sneak into your room and hide all manner of drugs, pornographic material, and guns all over the place, while another one of us calls your parents with an anonymous and “concerned” tip…seriously, who would do such a thing?? However, I will say that if you don’t pre-order this record right now, a pack of wolves will come to your house tonight and devour your entire family. Think about it.

I’d like to take this time to point you in the direction of the man who brought the Act II album art to life. His name is John DeLucca. You may remember some of his fine work on our website and with the “Conquest Of The West” poster. He’s a man of great strength and power. Go ahead and let him know how much you like his magic.

Notice-
If you still haven’t gotten your tickets to the Sept. 25th show, you’d best move with a quickness.

For those of you who are into things like Facebook and astronomy, you should click this link, and then spread it like wildfire.

They can’t hurt you now,

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 10 Comments

ACT II: THE FATHER OF DEATH
•••••••••••••••••
Intermission
The Good Doctor
Father Of Death
The Hounds
The State Vs. Thomas Light
Give Us The Rope
How The World Fell Under Darkness
Breaking Out
Keep Quiet
Light Up The Night
The Fall
Here Comes The Arm
•••••••••••••••••

ONE WEEK.

Even though its only seven days away, you can reserve your physical copy of “Act II: The Father Of Death” today.

*As usual, we recommend the physical copy of this album, because it is the only way to get the complete experience without me coming to your house and interpretive dancing my way around your family and pets for 57 minutes. Believe me, you don’t want that. It’s super creepy. I should know… I’m the one that has to do it. For instance, I’m an incredibly huge Kate Bush fan, but I don’t know if I could handle a personal ‘in house’ interpretation of Wurthering Heights. Save yourself the awkwardness… get the physical copy. To persuade you even further, Act II comes with a 24 page booklet filled with story and excitement. Act I only had 16… that’s almost 8 more pages!

Questions some have asked about the release of Act II —
1) Q: If I PreOrder Act II this week, will I receive it on or before the 8th of Sept?
A: Absolutely not. Act II is still at the fancy pressing plant, but will be ready for mailing on the 8th. No sooner. We wish it could arrive on your doorsteps on the 8th… but we’re not wizards of magic. Our hands are tied by machines and time.

2) Q: I want the digital copy to tide me over until my physical copy comes in the mail. Where can I buy a Digital Copy of Act II on Sept. 8th?
A:  Because iTunes seems to take forever to process albums, we don’t know if they will have it available that day. However, we DO know that it will be available on Amazon.com on the 8th. We’ll let you know more about all this on that special day.
*SEPT.8th UPDATE*  Act II is available on iTunes and Amazon. Choose your poison.*END UPDATE*

3) Q: Hey, Commander, have you ever seen a big bear riding in the back of a pickup truck?
A: If you had asked me that question a little over a week ago, I would have slapped you right in your eye…. but time has a way of changing a man. Things are different now. I’ll never forget. Still looking for normalcy. Freedom Fries. Have you ever seen something so powerfully raw and beautiful that it sucks the tears right out of your face? I stand before you now, a new man that has seen that “something.” For me, it took the form of a Majestic Black Bear standing in the back of a pickup truck that had a Dreamcatcher hanging from the rearview. Proving a lifelong theorem of mine, that dreamcatchers can land you a pet bear…and now I’m in the unexpectedly expensive process of buying a warehouse full of dreamcatchers…not bears. If my calculations are correct, you don’t need to buy bears because one dreamcatcher is good for at least one bear. *Actual Bear to Dreamcatcher ratios may vary due to geographic location*
If you have any information on the whereabouts of said bear, please respond to this Craigslist ad that I posted.

Album Release Show Update –
For those of you that are planning on buying presale tickets to the show, but have been procrastinizing all over the place, you may want to hurry up. We just got word that it looks like a shit load of you are coming on Sept. 25th. “Atta Boy/Girl,” to the ones that have already prepared themselves. “Shame on you,” to those that haven’t. Don’t get left out in the cold.

To those of you who have been asking. Let it be known that The Protomen are NOT playing DragonCon ’09. Blame in on the rain. HOWEVER… if you are going to be there anyway, you should go watch our friends – How I Became The Bomb. Does it help you to know that their drummer helped out on Act II?

Twitter?
Yeah. If you are into such things, you might as well start following the shit out of us, because we may or may not be getting more deep up in it. It sorta creeps me out in a lot of ways, but it seems to be pretty powerful for quick bursts of viable information. And I know how much you love viable information.

We’ve got work to do,

-Commander

p.s. – In case you haven’t heard… “Light Up The Night.”
***This is a whole song from Act II, so don’t listen if you don’t like hearing things.

Tags: Protomen News | 33 Comments

After all the intense amount of  waiting you’ve had to wait through. After all the never ending pain you’ve had to endure. The wait is over….the never ending pain has been proven to be not so never ending! That’s right, people….things are really starting to look up. You’d better cancel all your dinner plans, lock up all your babies, and wish your fathers had never met your mothers, because….SHARK WEEK IS HERE! Its time to sit your ass in front of any TV you can find and watch hours and hours and hours and hours of the Tom Selleck of the sea, SHARKS!

In honor of this momentous, albeit annual..or semi-annual….or poly-annual occasion (does anybody actually know how often Shark Week happens?), we’ve decided to give you all a sneak preview of all of Act II . At the link below, we will provide a 49 second clip of every song on Act II. I know, I know…you can thank us later. OR………you can thank us right now by purchasing your very own Act II shirt! It is now available for pre-order, and is quite a looker, if you ask me. The ladies love it! The guys admire it! Its just like wearing AXE body spray….except you don’t have to be a date rapist to wear it!!! *That last bit is a fact. It’s been clinically tested….in a clinic.

Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…………………………………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………………..
…………………………………………………………………ACT II Preview!!!!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TIME:
Speaking of momentous occasions, you know that Act II will be available on Sept. 8th, but what most of you don’t know is that the Act II Release Show is scheduled to happen on FRIDAY, SEPT. 25th.

Let me tell you a little something about the show:
As some of you may have expected, the show is going to happen at Mercy Lounge in Nashville (what can we say, we like those assholes). What some of you won’t expect is that we are going to have TWO stages. A 10 Piece String Section. 10 Member Choir. An Unnumbered Horn Section. …and we will play the entirety of Act’s I&II back to back. Well, sort of back to back. Makeup And Vanity Set is going to play during intermission!

So, hop on your Shatner Machine, find your cheap plane tickets and hotel rooms, and then start preparing yourself for one ferocious night, because it’s not like going down the pond chasin’ bluegills and tommycods. This show…. swallow you whole.  Here’s to swimmin’ with bow legged women.

Speaking of bow legged women (who are generally just as nice as regular legged women, and should not be discriminated against)…. The good people of Mercy Lounge have set up a special Pre-Sale for everyone on our Mailing List. That’s you. Don’t get left out in the cold. GO HERE and enter the magic password: dfetterman
*Word on the street is that if you get one of these super code protected Pre-Sale tickets…you may just receive a fancy little something at the show. I’m not really sure what street that word was heard on, but I’m somewhat positive that it was heard on at least one street.

UPCOMING SHOWS:
Between now and then, we are going to be playing a few shows up the East Coast. We’re making our way up to Baltimore to make our third appearance at the annual (8, 16, 32, 64)Bit Genocide party. If you’re one of those people who are into the video games and the PacMan, you should put forth your best effort to be at Ottobar in Baltimore on Aug. 22nd.
••••••••••
The list of upcoming shows you should attend is as follows:
AUGUST-
20th – Knoxville, TN – The Midtown *All Ages*
21st – Richmond, VA – Plaza Bowl – (along with How I Became The Bomb) *All Ages*
22nd – Baltimore, MD – Ottobar – 64Bit Genocide
23rd – Ashville, NC – New French Cafe *21+*

SEPTEMBER-
25th – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Act II Release Show)

•••••••••••••

You know what you have to do.

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 10 Comments

Let me tell you a story….
This isn’t one of those pretty bedtime stories where everything works out neatly in the end and the lessons are learned and the heroes are rewarded….
This isn’t the story about a father who puts his work before his wife and kids and waits until the last minute to try and find the coveted Turbo Man action figure, complete with all accessories…that was Jingle all the Way, my friends…and this….is not that story. We didn’t see Sinbad once that whole weekend.

This is a story of Mud.
The kind of mud that gets everywhere…gets all over you…gets into everything…deep.
This…is the story of Bonnaroo…

Early on the morning of the 11th of June, 13 Men and Women carefully packed an airport shuttle bus, a late 80’s model 15 passenger van, and a 1967 Shasta Tow-along Camper. Now, you may ask yourselves why 13 people would need over 25 seats worth of vehicle space and only camper space to sleep 8…well, my friends, this was Bonnaroo…a place where math doesn’t exist and logic is clouded by hallucinogenic drugs and hippie body odor. Not to mention Mud.

When we arrived, no less than 3000 cars were stuck in various mud holes in and around the fields of Manchester, TN. We alone made it through the swamp, knowing that if we were foolish enough to stop we would surely sink and die…until this guy with a badge and a poncho waved us to a stop in the very middle of the bog of eternal saddness. And so we sank… And there we stayed for 4 long days… Taunted by the mind-numbing repetitive mind-numbing repetitive beats of Paul Oakenfold. Disheartened by the fact that we knew every word to every song that Jimmy Buffet played in the distance. and hopeful that somewhere not too far away, Moe’s tour bus was in the same nightmarish predicament that we were in. “Move, you stupid horse,” indeed.

That was Thursday.

I’m happy to say that the sun came out on friday and dried up all the mud…I’m sad to say that the sun failed to dry out any of the mud in and around our particular campsite. Somewhere along the way, one of us thought it wise to find bails of straw to cover the worst parts of our campground river. This effort was applauded…for the first 30 minutes. Shortly thereafter, we found that once wet, straw tends to give off a smell that it no doubt learned from the place from whence it came…a cow field. It wasn’t long before our campground smelled like a steaming pile of ddb.

Now all this may sound like the long and muddy set up to a terrific tragedy…but nothing brightens up a rainy day like the sound of war drums on the horizon.
We came to Bonnaroo to battle Phish. And battle Phish we did.

We prayed to the gods the morning of the 12th, We smeared war paint on top of the mud on top of our faces, We heaved the official Bonnaroo transport golf carts we’d been commisioned out of the mud around us and made for the stage…like falcons covered in mud head for a muddy rabbit on the mud prairie. Keymaster even painted a fresh pair of shoes. When we got there the only deity we’d prayed to that actually managed to show was Jesus Christ…and we’re pretty sure he was stoned…but nonetheless, we prepared ourselves for the fight.

It was a glorious fight.

We lost….big time.

But we had fun…and as Commander’s high school football coach used to say…”you kids stay away from those Sodomy Parties”.

…and stay away from those sodomy parties, we did.

The End.

We’d Like to thank everyone who showed up to help us battle Phish. Together, we made for a tough tough foe.
We’d like to thank Mikie Martel for decorating the beautiful Artist VIP Lounge …oh and playing trumpet for us.
We’d like to thank Converse and Onitsuka and Korg USA for greeting us with open arms, no matter how many assholes we tried to pile into their tents at once.
We’d like to thank BMI, Mercy Lounge, and Bonnaroo for having us out and making the trip a glorious one.
We’ll see you guys next year…
Protomen out!

Oh….I guess there’s more news to be had…

From the Dept. of All Things Act II related:
I know many of you marked your calendars with a large question mark based on a strange countdown on the new and improved ProtoSite.
We would like to officially announce that the end of that countdown will mark the beginning of a post-Act II world.
Get ready.
No word on the official release party date.
More info to come.

From the Dept. of What can I do to hang out with my favorite Protomen between now and then:
You can get your ass to Nerdapolooza. It’s in Florida… it’s on the 12th of July…and it’s name even scares us.
Along with Nerdapolooza…we’re playing a few select shows in route. Check the tour schedule for more info.

From the Dept. of Merch:
New Shirts will soon be available online. They’re beautiful and much less stifling than those hoodies we’ve seen some of you sporting out in the hot June sun.
Don’t be a dummy. Put the hoodies away until the fall. Buy the new shirt…very soon(we’ll let you know as soon as the pre-order starts on Zambooie).

From the Dept. of Past and Future Members of the Proto Army:
We’d like to officially send our condolences to the wives of Scartoe and The Keymaster.
We’d like to officially send our Thanks and regards to the wives of Sir Robert Bakker.

Those who are gone will forever fight upon the eternal stage of glory. Except Keymaster….he’ll be a pharmacist.

-Panther

Yeah...Sinbad.

Tags: Protomen News | 8 Comments

Again with the squeaky shoes …
We have more bad news. But this time the bad news is only for the place that got away with not having bad news last time. Ashville, NC, we’re sorry, but it has to be this way. We found out late yesterday afternoon that our Tuesday show had to be canceled, due to these events that are continuously unforeseen. If someone would invent an Event Foreseer, believe us, we’d use the hell out of it … but until then, we are subject to the merciless and unrelenting whims of unforeseeability.

In Other News….that ISN’T bad –
We would like to thank each and every one of you for our victory at San Juan … I mean Mercy Lounge on Monday. You stood tall … well, most of you weren’t there, but you were there in spirit with your heads held high. To the ones of you that were actually there…you have the hearts of lions. We thank you for sticking around until 12:30 on a Monday night. We certainly couldn’t have done it without you. You were the “landslide.” And Stevie Nicks sang you with all her heart.

For those of you who are somehow in the dark with what all of this means –
It means that The Protomen are going to play at the Bonnaroo Festival in Manchester, TN with Bruce Springsteen, The Decemberists, Jenny Lewis, TV On The Radio, Okkervil River, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, David Byrne, NIN, and Danny Glover! I don’t know if Danny Glover is really going to be there, but we got a hot tip.

On to other related business –
Recently, we told everyone that if we won the Road To Bonnaroo competition, we would have an ice cream party. We are men and women of our word … Congratulations, you won yourself free ice cream. Very soon, we’re having said Ice Cream party at the Strike And Spare on Charlotte Ave. in Nashville, TN. Stay tuned for more information.

Upcoming Show/s –
Next month, we will be supporting our longtime friends in Shoot The Mountain for their CD release show, and we’ll be joined by none other than TOTALLY SNAKE!! Every one of these men are like two legged unicorns of fury. That night will prove to be great fun for everyone.

May 16th
Shoot The Mountain – EP Release Show
Shoot The Mountain, The Protomen, and Totally Snake
at The Basement
Nashville, TN

June 11th – 14th
Bonnaroo Festival
Exact date to be announced.

ACT II –
It exists …

Far from over,

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 9 Comments

There are several items to bring to the table today….some good….some bad….some good and bad……some bad and good….some bad with good…..some good with bad….some good for bad…some bad for good. Nothing too bad…. Nothing too good. I will tell you, however, that I’m positive that none of the good news is bad, and none of the bad news is good.

Let’s get right down to the good parts of the good news and the bad parts of the bad news:
The bad news is we are having to stand down from our late April tour of the East coast………..but the good news is…..this will speed up the release of ACT II!! This is actually really great news, but know that we are deeply sorry that we will not get to come to your town and play jams for you and your family. Reason being, we had some tour scheduling conflicts, and at this point, Act II takes top priority.

That being said, the only show to survive the chopping block was Ashville, NC. I repeat… We ARE STILL playing the show at the New French Bar in Ashville, NC on April 28th.
I guess Ashville, NC only gets good news.

In other news:
-ACT II UPDATE.
As you might have gathered, we’re at the mixing stage of this album, and I’m going on record right now with saying that this is the best record since Technotronic released “Pump Up The Jam.”….no shits.

-LAST SHOWS STANDING:
With all this bad news about shows being canceled….it’s good to know that we still have TWO shows coming up in Nashville… back to back…at the same place!

TONIGHT/Friday, April 17th – at Mercy Lounge ••18+••
with Kindercastle and Fly Golden Eagle – also DJ sets from Left Can Dance and Apache Putay!
—FIRST 100 PEOPLE THROUGH THE DOOR GET IN FREE!

MONDAY NIGHT/April 20th – at Mercy Lounge ••21+•• (WE NEED YOUR VOTE!)
Road To Bonnaroo – This is the night that we Battle for a slot at Bonnaroo!
Get there at 9…procure your ballot… and hang out with us till the end of TIME….the ELO record…That’s right, we’re just going to sit around listening to ELO all night. It’s what we do. And we can do it together!
—This is a totally FREE show.

We’ll see you there.
-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 4 Comments

There are strange things afoot in the Land of Volunteers. Seasons are changing. Tides are turning. Tectonic plates are shifting at a great rate of speed…geologically speaking. Act twos are existing…existentially speaking. If things seem to move slow in the Proto-camp, comrades, be assured that it is simply because everything is moving at once. It takes a great and silent earthquake to move the sea…but once the tidal wave is started it takes the Hand of God to stop it.

You have taken part with us in shaking the foundation of those seas. The Deli Magazine offered us a challenge and a great parachuted foe. We…You…rose to the occasion with such vigor, we were humbled. It takes a great deal to humble 11 men in silver makeup. For that, we thank you.
Because of you, we were victorious in the Deli Magazine’s physical challenge.

We thank them for putting us in the running with such great Nashville contemporaries/compadres and we thank you for pushing us over the top…starring Sylvester Stallone and the ever-talented David Mendenhall.

In Other News:
We’ve heard whispers of a new gauntlet being thrown. It promises to be just as tough as the last and may rely solely on our local battalions. It seems there is a battle brewing between us and quite a few of our long-time Nashville allies.

It’s going to be sort of like that time that you and 7 other people all ended up making out with each others girlfriends…and things got heated…and it ended up in a knife fight to the death in the alleyway behind the Exxon TigerMart…and only one of you lived…but in the morning you all had coffee and laughed about it because in the end you realized that your girlfriends were kind of slutty to begin with… and the most important thing is really that everyone is still friends and that no one was seriously hurt…except 7 people died.

What we’re saying is, on April 20th, we need your help like the devil needs fresh souls. We have been entered into an 8 Band knife fight…to the death. The survivor gets to play Bonnaroo……with Bruce Springsteen. Not really “with”….but he’ll be there, and that’s close enough.

Mercy Lounge’s: 8 Off 8th: Road to Bonnaroo *FREE SHOW* 21+
The rules are as follows:
MONDAY, APRIL 20th – Eight bands will gather at Mercy Lounge in Nashville to play roughly 3-4 songs each. It is at this point that Judges will then Judge them to death, based on those 3-4 songs. That part shouldn’t concern you….that part is up to us not sucking it up. What IS up to you is how many people you can bring to the show and stay from start to finish…. For this is the way of the new world. In order for your vote to be cast, you must get your ballot before the first band starts, and stay until the last band is done. It is only then, that you can cast your vote spell upon the dreaded dark wizard judges.

We know this may be asking a lot of you and your Monday night, but we know we can count on you….and your friends…and their friends….and their parents…and their parents’ parents…and your co-workers…and your co-workers’ parents….and maybe even your parents….and your parents’ parents…and your boss*..and your boss’ sister…and your siblings….and your siblings’ friends…and your siblings’ parents(may be double dipping here)…etc.

*If your boss is there, he won’t get mad at you the next day when you’re 45 minutes late to work, because you will have taken him to see the best Apocalyptic Spaghetti Western Robot Rock Band from Nashville… that he’s ever seen!

April 20th at Mercy Lounge – 9PM:
8 Men Enter – 1 Man…Goes to Bonnaroo.
Help us be that man.

Keep your eyes and ears tuned to the proper channels for more information.

In Other Other News:
We’d like to mention that we had a blast playing a rock and roll party celebrating Nashville’s finest Author/Artist/Writer/Fancy-man-extrodinarie, Eric Powell. His comic-book “The Goon” turned 10 years old a few weeks ago and we played the birthday party, alongside some entertaining Texan-rock–and-rollers, as well as a plethora of Fancy Ladies. Speaking of fancy ladies, also in attendance was the un-silent majority of The Nashville Rollergirls. If you don’t know who they are, find out…live it. They’ll skate right across your face. Because of this, our alliance grows stronger by the day.
It was a fun night. We strongly recommend you check out The Goon and Eric Powell. He’s a ferocious man.

News From The Merch Front:
Just in time for the spring…Hoodies!
Turns out we were too busy making Act II to time that one out properly.
Oh well…They still look tough as nails. Keep in mind, your peers will ridicule you for not having at least 3 of them. Good news is, there are two different types. Pullover and Zip-Up. This means you can get one of each….and get an extra of your favorite!

News From the “As we sink deeper and deeper into the swamps of Making a New Record….we realize that we really miss playing shows…so here we come” Front:

These are the shows… Get ’em while they’re hawt:
APRIL-
10th Bowling Green, KY – Mayhem/SOKY Fairgrounds
11th Columbus, OH – Armageddicon IV
17th Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Unofficial Rites of Spring After-party)
20th Nashville, TN – ” (8 Off 8th/Road To Bonnaroo) FREE SHOW
28th Ashville, NC – New French Bar
29th Richmond, VA – The Czar
30th Baltimore, MD – Metro Gallery
MAY-
2/3rd East Rutherford, NJ – Bamboozle Festival
5th Washington DC – DC9
6th Greenville, NC – The New Spazzatorium
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Keep The Fire.

-Los Protomens

-end transmission-

Tags: Protomen News | 12 Comments

As the new year begins we pause to reflect on all the things that happened in the Year of Our Lord 2008:

– We began the year in the midst of a losing battle with facial hair.

– We travelled to Detroit, where our calzones froze to the bottom of our ill-insulated tour bus.

– We travelled to Dragoncon and killed a man with our rock fury (Old Greg, you will be missed).

– We traveled to Chicago, New York and Los Angeles only to find that as big as they are, the real rock and roll kids live in Greenville, South Carolina.

– We were brutally attacked by a grown man in a Gumby costume while playing Kenny Loggins.

– The Merchant Fell.

– The Thundercon Fell*.

– Demon Barber Fell*.

– Gas Prices Fell (after we’d finished touring for the year).

– Doug Fetterman stayed fallen.

But after all this, we end this year on a high note. We’d like to thank the Nashville Scene for making it official:
The Protomen are a big deal.

However, Big Deal or No Deal, Howie, this year will not be won easily. Even now, like a pair of T-Rexes attacking a camper in a movie devoid of Sam Neil, the second battle begins:

News from the Department of Destroying the Competition:
The Deli Magazine has thrown down yet another gauntlet. We have decided to take the challenge, for… what choice do we have but to defend our honor.
Help us show the world that the members of The Protomen Army are nothing if not internet voting machines.

Here is your task, fair allies:
This is easy –
Go Here:
Click the little dot next to The Protomen.
Rinse and Repeat…well, not really the “Repeat” part, since it’s a one time vote. But you should certainly Rinse.

Know that the spoils of this war would greatly aid in the development of Act II.

Tell your friends.
Tell your neighbors.
Go to your Grandmother’s house and guide her feeble tech-inept hands to the cyber-voting booth, tell her we’re the Ronny Reagan of Rock and Roll.

We must destroy the competition. Otherwise they’re just going to come back again in 6 months with another poll.
It ends here, Comrades.
It ends now.

News from the Act II front:
Our newest ally, Alan Shacklock (you may know him from such past projects as “The Protomen present Father of Death – the 7 inch Single“. I think he’s done other things as well, but his credentials aren’t in front of me right now.) has joined us for the whole of Act II. This will be the most fierce and terrifying creation the Protomen have ever created after promising it for 3 years. And the most anticipated, to boot.
Don’t worry kids, when the frost breaks, you shall have your vengeance.

News from the office of the “Keep Supporting The Protomen by Buying Stuff Dept”:

“Heath Who Hath No Name” will now be known as “Heath Who Hath Decided To Retire His Trusty Hollow-body Ibanez Guitar.”

See the full story….HERE.

News from the Bureau of Bookings:

These are the scheduled battles of the New Year:
Jan 10 – The End – DJ sets w/ Left Can Dance & MAVS – Nashville, Tennessee
Jan 13 – 527 Main Street – with Destroy Destroy Destroy – Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Jan 15 – The Exit/In – with Destroy Destroy Destroy – Nashville, Tennessee
Jan 16 – MERCY LOUNGE 6TH ANNIVERSARY – Nashville, TN
Jan 17 – Halfway to Forecastle Festival *ALL AGES* @ Green Building – Louisville, Kentucky

We’ve only got 4 more years until the Mayan Calendar runs out…Let’s make them count.

-Panther

* more on this later.

Tags: Protomen News | 10 Comments

It’s Saturday, November 28th. One day after the day after the worlds most intense Annual Pilgrim Party. And it is only now that I am at a point in my life that I can explain, in big man words, the chaotic events that took place nearly two full days ago…

I awoke Thursday morning, and prepared myself for what I thought was going to be a long day of binge eating and generalized thankful slothiness, only to find a switchblade stabbed into the hood of my car…and a note that read:
“2009 will be The Year of the Apache!”

That’s right. It’s happened. After years of struggle. After endless war. Armando “Apache” Putay has resurfaced. He stopped by a little while later to apologize about the switchblade thing, and offered to fix my hood, but something spooked him and he was gone, like the wind rider that he is. Although he was before me only for an instant, his burning eyes told me everything. Where he’d been. Where he’s going. How long he plans to stay there. Whether or not he got great deals on hotel lodging through Priceline.com.
It seems Shatner and Putay walk with the buffalo.

For years, many of you have asked, “where can I get more Makeup And Vanity Set?…I love his 8Bit record, but I yearn for more.” And for those same years, we’ve held no answers for you. Hark(yes, I just said “Hark”)! Those years are the years of the past. This year is the year of the FUTURE…or the present. But we’re moving into the FUTURE. And very soon, you will be able to get your computerized hands on your very own computerized copies of “Aesthetically Speaking,” and “Charles Park.” “How soon,” you ask? By the time you get through reading this paragraph…that’s “how soon.” Now, you ask, “just when will I be done reading this paragraph?” and I say to you…”as soon as you stop asking questions like the one you just asked.” And then I say, “If you just let me finish, I can get on with the telling you how to get to his illustrious jams.” And you say, “sorry.” And I say, “it’s ok, but you need to grow up and stop being a terrible burden on your poor mother.” And then you say, in a sassy but perturbed tone, “Bitch, You don’t know my life!.” To which I respond, “you’re right, I was completely out of line with suggesting that I had a working knowledge of you and your mother’s relationship…I’m sorry.” To make it up to you, I’ve decided to give you access to Makeup And Vanity Set’s music…On iTunes. Go Here:
–Charles Park

–Aesthetically Speaking

–Makeup And Vanity Set Presents: The Protomen

As for the “Father Of Death” 7″….
There are quite a few things to tell you on that front. And because there are so many things to tell you, I’ve decided to put it into bullet point Q&A, for convenience and style:

•1•
QUESTION: “My record says to play it at 45RPMs, but when I do that, it sounds like the Chipmunks Christmas record.”
ANSWER: “That is because there were suggestions by some of the head execs at SoundMachine Records that we would sell better if we sounded more like the Chipmunks.”
SOLUTION: Play the record at 33RPMs for now…and play it at 45RPMs on Christmas Day.

•2•
Q: “How many records were pressed?”
A: “More than we ever anticipated. The initial number was to be 500, but several malfunctions at the plant caused that number to nearly double. 450 of them say to play the record at 45RPMs, and the correct 500 say to play the record at 33-1/3RPM. The corrected label records came in, and are ready to ship. This means that if you haven’t ordered your copy by now, you should thank the record pressing plant for the extras, because we would be sold out by now.
S: Buy more records.

•3•
Q: “But seriously, I have this rash, and I was wondering…”
A: “Seriously, No.”
S: Topical Cream. Buy it. Use it. Leave us alone about your rashes.

•4•
Q: “Am I supposed to get a Download Code with my record? I pre-ordered my copy of Father Of Death, and it came in, but i couldn’t find my Digital Download Code. Woe is me..”
A: “Yes, you should have gotten a code. An email with your code was sent out by Theory 8 Records around November 8th. The codes were emailed the day of the release show, so you wouldn’t have to wait. This means your package wouldn’t contain the download slip.”
S: Check your email history and/or junk mail folders. If that fails…send our people an email.

I’m sure there are other things that I should be telling you right now, but I can’t think of anything else. Maybe later.

“Year Of The Apache…”
It better be, Putay…it better be…

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 7 Comments

Good Lord.
Never in our collective robot-rock-opera-performing-lives have we been so destroyed by the raw power of an audience as we were Sabado noche. Each member of the Protomen awoke the next morning saying the same thing…(in the same bed – as the Thundercon has lost all shred of heat and has forced us to go to disturbing lengths to keep warm), “I (we)… feel like I (we)… was (were)… hit by a bus (bus)…a bus driven by fury and hellfire…a bus fueled by synth-destroying screams and raised fists…a bus driven by the nerd-devil himself straight into the gates of the extremely well-lit stage of hell.

It felt good.

It felt right.

Act 2 will be good. We can feel it in our bones. Last night’s show gave us back the fire that the cold heart of the Thundercon had threatened to put out. For that, We thank you.

For those of you still pondering the best way to cram your fancy new 7 inch into your compact disc player (or for you really old school hipsters…your tape deck) The best we can offer is the digital version of both “Father of Death” and Robert Tepper’s immortal classic “No Easy Way Out”.
The code enclosed in your very own copy of the Father Of Death single can be used to obtain such an intangible treasure. But beware, it can be used only once.
Keep it secret.
Keep it safe.

Those of you who missed out on the fury of last Saturday’s battle, keep hope. All is not lost. We managed to fend off the mob long enough to escape with one or two of the coveted Father of Death singles.

They will be at the following location starting the 10th of November at a minute past noon (12:01pm). Get them while they last, kiddies. There won’t be anymore.**

http://www.soundmachinestore.bigcartel.com

While you’re there, grab a limited edition “Father Of Death” Wanted Poster…if you don’t, we’ll hunt you down.

-end transmission-

-Panther

** We know the 10th of November was yesterday. We just wanted to rub it in that the Mailing List people got first shot at the new record/Sound Machine Store. If we had shelves…they would be flying off of them right now.

Tags: Protomen News | 9 Comments