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Paper, Rock, Scissors.

Dearest Comrades,

Baltimore is saved. In fact, Baltimore might be the only free city still standing. Theirs is a city with heart. A city that could overthrow a mighty Russian giant, come away with almost certain brain damage and still win a street fight against a young punk, like Tommy Gunn. Yes, comrades, Baltimore is the New Philadelphia. They have risen up with such force and fury that we have no reservations about letting them stand on their own for a while. Baltimore, we shall return. Stand strong and give the East hope.

A special thanks go out to the dudes of Deadofsummer.org, and Entertainment System, for putting on two ferocious shows. We would like to take this time to thank all those involved with our venture to the Land of the One Eyed Man:

DeadOfSummer.org, you were like the father we never knew, because he ran away when we were only 5..only to return 16 years later, full of Wild Turkey, holding a baseball bat named “Wilson Pickett” and full of a rage that could only be caused by 6 straight months of untreated hemorrhoids.

“I’m sorry Daddy, I didn’t mean to take the last juice box…”

Entertainment System, you were like the baby brother that we never wanted cause we were afraid that you would take away from the collective parental money that was there to buy our Christmas presents…and Laura, sweet Laura, the mom we always dreamed of. You cried when daddy left. You cried the night you heard Doug Fetterman had died. You cried that morning when you awoke to find we had left at 4am on the greyhound to hell… all the way back to Tennessee. And you’ll cry when we tell you we’ll be back in Baltimore soon.And Scarecrow…well, I’ll miss you most of all.

We’ll miss you Baltimore

In the meantime…These are your allies, Baltimore:

Deadofsummer.org, Entertainment System, Powerglove, Anamanaguchi, This Place is Haunted, Temp Sound Solutions / Shawn Phase, Peelander-Z, Karmella’s Game, Avec, The Dollyrots.

Some live and fight in your city. Some traveled a great distance to fight for you. Find them and fight along side them as you do us.

Find our mailing list. Sign your name upon it. If you have faith in the great one, the knife will not cut you. If you have courage…true courage, the rock will not break you. And if you are pure of heart, the arrow will not catch you… and we will send you news.

Here’s a bit of the type of news you will hear when you join the mailing list:The Protomen vs. Walt Disney’s Cryogenically Frozen Head – This Halloween.

As always, we will battle our way to and from the golden city of Orlando

Keep your eyes tuned to the proper channels for more information. Here are some of the proper channels:




and, of course, the ever tough Protomen.com

We’ve also received word from Gamepro.com and Gamerhelp.com that an article is in the works dealing with Makeup and Vanity Set’s epic work: Makeup and Vanity Set presents: The Protomen. Thanks to everyone who came out and supported Makeup and Vanity Set’s front-man Armando Apache Putay on our Conquest of the West voyage. We’re happy to report he is making strides in his ongoing battle with Pepto-bismal addiction.

Again, Baltimore, although Commander could not convince the ghost of the corpse of D.Fett. to go fishing with him…we consider our weekend with you a success.

Like…second base success*.


* We’ll be back for more.