Things are about to get the most real.

On March 17th, we will be having a super awesome dance party in Nashville to celebrate the release of this action –

Yep. A giant pallet of awesome landed in front of Murphy’s house and after he hacked it open with a machete…this was the only copy still in one piece. We figured if we threw a rock-n-roll dance party…you guys could get drunk and help us glue them back together. We hate gluing stuff back together by ourselves. In fact, the only thing we hate more than gluing stuff back together by ourselves… is Cancer.

That’s right! If you’re looking to put your Irish debauchery-bone to some good use on St. Patrick’s Day/Night… while getting your copy of the limited edition Makeup And Vanity Set Presents: The Protomen picture disc vinyl… and dancing the night away with your favorite robot rockers, we’ve got good news for you. The party’s proceeds are going to benefit the American Brain Tumor Association!

We’re thinking of calling it “The St. Patricks Day ‘Fight Brain Cancer while Killing Brain Cells’ Dance Party”

If you don’t think you can make it to the release party, don’t freak out. Pre-Sale for the records starts NOW. As well as this new limited edition Commemorative 525SEA Cassette T-Shirt!

Pre-Order the record and shirt separately, or as a super efficient combo.

SUBJECT CHANGE!
———–
Due to unforeseen circumstances (google sending our mailer to nearly everyone’s spam box), the veil of secrecy about this next part has been lifted. Ignore the parts that relate to spreading it like the herp. You can spread it any way you wish.
———–
This next part is a super secret, so don’t go spreading it around like the herp (you can spread it to hot girls, though… that didn’t exactly come out like I wanted, but I hate deleting things, so I’ll just keep going with this sentence that could have been avoided had I just worked up enough courage to use the backspace button). On our way up to Boston for PAX, we’re stopping off in NYC to shoot a video for Light Up The Night (for reals). It’s going to be one hell of a thing, and we’re going to need the help of all those who want to hang out with us all day and make Hollywood (…or NY) movie magic. It’s a daytime shoot on Sunday, April 1st (not fake). We’re going to need 150 extras to bring some scripted thunder. The production will be automatically accepting the first 100 applicants and will be choosing the rest by headshots that we’d like you to submit. We aren’t requiring head shots, but if you do, it sort of doubles your chances for getting some screen time (but maybe not. I’m terrible at math).

Unfortunately, we don’t have a unicorn that shits money, so all we can give you in exchange for your time is a free ridiculous Proto-show at the end of the day/night for everyone who is involved. And probably a great deal of terrible snacks of some variety.

TO SIGN UP – send an email to the following address and state your name in the subject line and attach a photo of yourself (photo not required, just highly recommended) – protomenvideo@gmail.com

Be aware that there may be age restrictions due to the shoot location, but we will inform you of all the details like age restrictions, shoot location, and suggested wardrobe, as soon as possible. All of said communication and details will come from the protomenvideo@gmail.com account.

SORT OF SUBJECT CHANGE!
As you probably have already guessed, because we’re heading up the East coast to shoot this amazing video and play the super awesome PAX, we’ll be making a few exciting stops along the way. Check out the following list (and don’t start crying baby tears if you don’t see your town listed, we’ve got a not so distant secret):

MARCH
10th – Cincinnati, OH – Great Wolf Lodge A&G *ALL AGES*
17th – Nashville, TN – Brick Factory – 18+ (Cancer Dancer Party) RESCHEDULED
25th – Asheville, NC – Emerald Lounge —- 21+
26th – Chapel Hill, NC – Local 506 —- ALL AGES
27th – Richmond, VA – Kingdom —- ALL AGES
29th – Teaneck, NJ – Mexicali Live —- ALL AGES

APRIL
01st – NYC – (Video Shoot)
03rd – Danbury, CT – Heirloom Arts —- ALL AGES
06th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES – PERFORMANCE DAY
07th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES (no show, hangin out)
08th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES (no show, hangin out)
09th – Cambridge, MA – Middle East —- 18+
10th – Lancaster, PA – Chameleon Club —- ALL AGES

MAY
04th – Nashville, TN – Brick Factory – 18+ (Cancer Dancer Party) *DJ SETS*

More April dates to be announced soon. Keep your eye on our TOUR page (for updated ticket links), as well as our Facebook and Twitter (for just general awesomeness).

And last but not least, coming soon to a Compact Disc Player player near you… CLICK ME FOR EXCITEMENT.

People on the streets.

-Commander

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Only two days left before we drop a glorious hammer upon you. After much deliberation, and since the occasion is such a special one, we have decided it’s time to show you the fancy poster we’ve made for this most-fancy of shows at the Metro.

This [to be] screen printed poster will be available at the show in short supply. If any survive the night, they will go online the following day at 10am at the SoundMachine Store.

Thanks to Caspar for putting it together. Thanks to Mechagodzilla for just being there.

-Commander

p.s. – If you haven’t gotten your tickets for the show… Shame on you.

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Come on, Chicago, dry those tears… You didn’t think we’d abandon you for ALL of 2011, did you? (to be honest, we thought we were going to.) We’re heading your way next month to play our final show of the year. How exciting is that?! I guess you could say we saved the best for last? Don’t tell all the other cities I said that, or it’ll send the entire United States into a jealous rage which will result in a not-so-civil civil war.

On December 17th, we’ll be joining our new friends, I Fight Dragons, in Chicago for their album release show at The Metro. (Nice bit of trivia – their new album “KABOOM!” was produced by Murfreesboro’s own Matt Mahaffey.) This fancy show is going to be a nice end cap to our recent super awesome tour together.

Speaking of our recent super awesome tour together, it was an incredible time. If you came out to party with us and the dragon fighters, we’d like to thank the shit out of you for bringing plenty of thunder with you. On the other hand, I’d like to personally not thank whoever thought it was a good idea to bring ticks to the party, because it turns out that Panther played nearly all of this last tour with a fierce case of the Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Ticks and parties don’t mix, people. How many times do we have to tell you? As for the rest of you non tick-bringers, it was a blast, and hope to see you again soon… perhaps in Chicago??

If you’re planning on coming, you should get your tickets immediately. And when I say, “get your tickets immediately,” I mean all four of those words. Don’t get all pissy britches when it’s the day of the show and you can’t get in, because you forgot to buy pre-sale tickets. In fact, start spreading the word to everyone you know about getting these tickets early. Like they always say, “the early bird makes the donuts.”

Don’t miss this show. It’s going to be the most ferocious.
CLICK ME FOR TICKETS!

DECEMBER
17th – Chicago, IL – The Metro (w/ I Fight Dragons) <— or click that for tickets.

Also, if you’re at this Chicago show, you’ll be one of the first to be able to get your hands (or hand) on a new limited edition “WE KEEP YOU SAFE” t-shirt, handprinted by Sir Robert Bakker himself! CHECK IT. For those of you who can’t make it to the show, pre-order now to grab one before the holidays pass us by.

Being that today is CYBORG MONDAY…Monday…monday…monday… (that’s supposed to represent a sweet delay), there is going to be a storewide 20% discount on the SoundMachine Store. TO CLAIM YOUR DISCOUNT, enter code: ••••••••••
The discount will end tonight at 11:59pm.

(Join the MAILING LIST to get fancy info and offers like the Cyborg Monday sale above.)

So. What life lessons have we learned in this mailer? 1) Jealousy over Protomen’s love can easily ignite a civil war. 2) Our recent tour was super fun. 3) Never bring ticks to rock shows. 4) Never waste time not buying pre-sale tickets to our shows, or you’ll get all pissy britches. 5) Don’t get all pissy britches. 6) Those who are not on our Mailing List are missing out on the finer things in life.

From tonight until the end of time.

-Commander

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You know how you’ve spent the last four hundred years wondering what it would be like if Shakespeare had written Terminator 2? And what it would have been like if The Protomen had been there to write most of the score for it? And if The Protomen had also been there as professional actors to shoot Miles Dyson as the SWAT team?? Guess what. You can stop wondering and come watch it happen on October 14th – 17th!

For clarity’s sake – Our friends at Husky Jackal Theatre have rewritten Terminator 2 as though Bill Shakespeare himself wrote it with his own hands and feet. We’ve seen it. And it’s amazing. You’ll not want to miss this. CLICK ME FOR TICKETS!

OCTOBER
14th ——- 8 pm
15th ——- 8 pm
16th ——- 8 pm
17th ——- 8 pm

LOCATION
Nashville School of the Arts
1250 Foster Ave.
Nashville, TN 37210
(Venue is located in the main building of the campus. Enter on Foster Avenue and follow the signs to parking. Free parking is available).

More info at – terminatorthesecond.com

And now for the big question –
What are you doing for Halloween this year? Coming to Nashville to party with The Protomen, Peelander Z, and MC Frontalot, that’s what. CLICK ME FOR TICKETS!

OCTOBER
31st – Nashville, TN – Exit/In (with Peelander Z + MC Fontalot)

Come see the shows, if you want to live…

-Commander

P.S. – It looks like we’ll be sending out another mailer in a couple of days announcing some final shows for the year. Yeah, I know… I have said that before. But I swear that is is actually the final tour of 2011, so don’t be caught jackalackin’ around and grab your tickets as soon as they go on sale. This will be a quick Northern and East coast jaunt, and we’ll be joined by, the ever fancy, I Fight Dragons. More soon.

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Dear Everyone,
It’s only been a little over a week since leaving Nashville, TN, United States, North America, America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, for this leg of the Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11, but we’ve already found ourselves in some hairy situations. Turbo Lover entered the Skyhammer in a Georgia Tech demolition derby death match (a GTDDDM, if you will)… where she got her right ear ripped off. Kilroy won controlling stock in FanGamer in a no-holds-barred arm-wrestling death match (a NHBAWDM, if you still will)… And every member of the band was beaten in the Conway Twitty “Conway’s Latest Greatest Hits; Volume I – contains the new hit single: “Ain’t She Somethin’ Else” Stare-Off of Death 2011 (Henceforth known as a CTCLGH;VI-CTNHS:”ASSE”S-OoD-11).
Seriously, go look at that album cover and try to make yourself believe you could beat a stare like Conway’s.

And now: The answer to the question that every single one of you have been sending to our electronic mailbox machine (don’t be acting like you didn’t email us about it… I’m pretty sure you drunk emailed us or something. Seriously… the things you said…): Capcomhas been nothing but nice to us since we got this beast rolling (even though we stole Seth Killian’s megaphone). Now, I can’t speak for the game cancellations, but the general vitriol surrounding Capcom at the moment needs to end. We understand that it’s upsetting to see a game you’ve been waiting for get cancelled at the last minute, but maybe now is the time to focus on letting them know how much we all need that Protomen/Man Game to be made… (OK, I think that’s enough self promotion and exploitation of a situation for one email).

As for the untimely destruction of the ProtoSite, We’re investigating suspects and have narrowed it down to these possibilities:

1. The Player Vs Performer 2011 tour currently battling it out on the east coast collided with the Hot Summer Nights ProtoTour causing a hurricane of nerdery so powerful that it took down our broadcast HQ off the coast of Florida.

2. The Megas hacked our site during a break in their recording schedule for their new album, “I Wanna Be The One.” Here is a leaked mp3 of that album’s title track.

3. Whitney Houston hacked our site because she’s livid that Murphy Weller was cast instead of her in the hotly anticipated sequel to Waiting To Exhale. Waiting To Exhale II: Still Waiting.

Now on to more important and real news… The August West Coast Of America Tour!

Since our recent perceived bout with near death, we’ve decided it best to rename the next leg of our 2011 tour, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now,” in honor of our dear friends in Starship.

JULY – Hot Summer Nights ’11 Pt 2.

26th – Wilmington, NC – Soapbox Laundro-Lounge
27th – Greenville, NC – Live Bar
29th – Wilmington, DE – World Cafe
30th – Baltimore, MD – Bourbon Street Ballroom – BitGen Festival
31st – Asheville, NC – Bele Chere Festival

AUGUST – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
04th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
05th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
06th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (we play this day)
07th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
13th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
15th – Oklahoma City, OK – Conservatory
16th – Houston, TX – Super Happy Fun Land
17th – Austin, TX – Emo’s
18th – San Antonio, TX – Jack’s
21st – Los Angeles, CA – Blue Star —- 18+
23rd – San Francisco, CA – Kimo’s
24th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act I
25th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act II
26th – Seattle, WA – El Corazon
28th – Seattle, WA – Post-PAX Party
29th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore Cabaret
30th – Spokane, WA – A Club

SEPTEMBER
01st – Winnipeg, MB, Canada – IA – Pyramid 7
03rd – Davenport, IA – Redstone

Get excited about the new shows, but don’t you dare forget about the last 5 shows of our Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11. We have some of the most ferocious shows of the tour coming up… like two different Wilmingtons, the ever lovely Greenville, NC, Baltimore’s ferocious BitGen Fest, and Bele Chere Festival.

In other news, our Act I Record release show was amazingly sold out thanks to many of you. That night, we unveiled the 12″ and a new fancy shirt that you need. The first run of about a thousand records are nearly gone, so if you want one, you’d better try like hell to get to one of our shows in the next few weeks.

I’d like to tell you more of our deepest darkest secrets, but I’m riding in the bus right now on the way to Chapel Hill, NC and my fingers are bouncing around the keyboarfgsfgd’h’go.

Let ’em say we’re crazy.

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 9 Comments

On the night of July 9th, we’re going to play a special show in Nashville, Tennessee, America, Earth, to celebrate the the fact that it’s taken us nearly 6 years to release our first album, “The Protomen” (Act I), as a 12″ LP. This special edition first pressing of 1,000 will be colored vinyl (split blue/red), and will include a 22″ x 22″ foldout poster of never-before-seen first album concept artwork, as well as a 10″ x 10″ stencil (so you can tag all kinds of “things that you own”). This limited version will also have the original endings of multiple jams (future pressings will not). Get them when you can. Because of the fancy nature of this occasion, we decided to ask our good friends The Non-Commissioned Officers to join us for party and tea. They accepted! This night will be the most fun.

Now, I know most of you may be wondering, “when can a person like me, who lives in Egypt, order one or twenty of those records on the lines?” The answer you seek lies here: The LP will not be available online until the morning after the release show at 10am Central (availability will depend on how many survive the night). And if all that isn’t enough to get you all riled up booking tickets for all sorts of planes and your fancy rocket ships, maybe this will do the deed. We’ve decided to attempt a sort of live DVD (and maybe album?) recording for that night. And maybe you can be all up in it? Exciting, right?

Now, I don’t want you coming around me with all your fancy lad sassin’ trying to tell me that you don’t want to come to the show because you’re too much of a fancy lad to be in our live DVD, because that’ll obligate me to punch you right in your fancy lad sassin’ face. Nobody wants that. Come on out to the show. Get your limited edition vinyl record of our first album. Listen to us and the Non-Coms. And don’t piss me off —> Get Your Tickets Here

Now, with all that out of the way, it’s time to show you some of the places we’re looking to go in the next couple of months. And make sure you get your tickets quickly, because most of these will sell out. For reals –

JUNE
02nd – Memphis, TN – Newby’s — 18+
03rd – Dallas, TX – The Prophet Bar — ALL AGES
04th – Houston, TX – Free Press Summer Fest — ALL AGES
06th – New Orleans, LA – One Eyed Jacks — 18+

JULY
09th – Nashville, TN – 12th and Porter
14th – Chattanooga, TN – JJ’s Bohemia
15th – Atlanta, GA – Under The Couch
16th – Orlando, FL – Nerdapalooza — (We play Act I) Ticket Price goes up on June 1st.
17th – Orlando, FL – Nerdapalooza — (We play Act II) Ticket Price goes up on June 1st.
19th – Sarasota, FL – The Cock & Bull
20th – Gainesville, FL – 1982
21st – Jacksonville, FL – Jack Rabbits
22nd – Savannah, GA – The Wormhole
23rd – Columbia, SC – New Brookland Tavern
25th – Chapel Hill / Durham, NC – TBA
26th – Wilmington, NC – Soapbox Laundro-Lounge
27th – Greenville, NC – Live Bar
29th – Wilmington, DE – World Cafe
30th – Baltimore, MD – Bourbon Street Ballroom – BitGen Festival
31st – Asheville, NC – Bele Chere Festival

And as for all those TBAs in there….keep your good eye locked on our TOUR PAGE. It will keep you informed.

A hard rain’s gonna fall.

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News | 6 Comments

Tags: Protomen News | 4 Comments