This one is gonna be quick and dirty… not the upcoming tour… that’s gonna to be slow and clean (probably not actually slow or clean. I just needed antonyms.)… this mailer is what’s going to be quick and dirty. Either way, get ready for this quick and dirty mailer and this slow and clean tour (again, probably not actually slow or clean).

SUMMER TOUR

Below is the complete list of shows we will be playing in August and September (with ticket links). Several shows have been added since the last mailer, so check it out. This will more than likely be our last big tour of the year, because we have a lot of work to do when we get home. Grab your tickets soon. Shows are meant to sell out.

AUGUST
04th – Orlando, FL – The Beacham (NERDAPALOOZA FEST)
05th – Orlando, FL – The Beacham (NERDAPALOOZA FEST)
08th – New Orleans, LA – House of Blues
09th – Houston, TX – Fitzgerald’s
10th – Dallas, TX – Prophet Bar
11th – Austin, TX – Red 7
12th – San Antonio, TX – Korova
14th – Tucson, AZ – The Hut
15th – Phoenix, AZ – Rhythm Room
17th – San Diego, CA – Soma
18th – Las Vegas, NV – Hard Rock
22nd – Anaheim, CA – Chain Reaction
23rd – Los Angeles, CA – The Roxy
24th – San Francisco, CA – 330 Ritch (venue change… now 18+)
25th – Reno, NV – Alley
28th – Portland, OR – Hawthorne
29th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore
31st – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (sold out) (we play this day)

SEPTEMBER
01st – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (sold out) (hanging out this day)
02nd – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (sold out) (hanging out this day)
03rd – Seattle, WA – El Corazon
05th – Salt Lake City, UT – Kilby
06th – Denver, CO – Marquis Theatre
08th – Oklahoma City, OK – Conservatory
09th – Memphis, TN – Hi-Tone

Don’t miss these shows. This will probably be the last time we come around for a while.

BAKKER DOES EBAY
Sir Robert Bakker has decided to part with his “A Night Of Queen” show guitar on the Ebay. I figured you might want to know about it, so here it is *listing ended*.

photo by: Miriam Blais

Here’s a little bit of info from the Ebay page (get more info here *listing ended*):
“This is the Squier Special Edition Standard Stratocaster Sir Robert Bakker modified for Brian May-style switching and signal flow. This guitar was acquired particularly for use onstage in the Protomen CD release show for The Protomen Present: A Night of Queen.”

If you’re into stuff like this, stay tuned. We’ll be selling off more little ditties in the weeks and months to come. We’ll keep you notified with Mailers, Twitters, and Facebooks.

See you next month… and the next month… but probably not after that.

-Commander

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ANOTHER NIGHT OF QUEEN.
The album release show for “A Night Of Queen” was an absolute blast of fun times. A huge thank you to everyone who came out and partied with us. Another big thanks to Makeup And Vanity Set and Devin Lamp for bringing their respective Moroder and Bowie to the show. It was the icing on the already awesome cake. But not to be outdone, Tenacious D decided that icing wasn’t enough and they went ahead and dropped a gallon of ice cream right on top of the night by showing up and joining us for Bohemian Rhapsody. As some of you may have noticed, the Hollywood gossip machine jumped on board and gave the whole world the scoop. Thank you, Hollywood gossip machine, you’ve brought our lifelong dream of gracing the pages of TMZ and Perez Hilton to fruition. We’ve made it… this far.

All in all, it was one of the funnest* nights we’ve had in a very long time. Thank you.

* shut up, grammar nerds. I command that “funnest” is now a real word.

PROTOMEN AND TENACIOUS D IN TORONTO.
Speaking of… Don’t you dare forget about our Toronto show with Tenacious D in a few days. It’s going to be the most exciting Super Post 4th of July Extravaganza that Canada has ever seen. Get your tickets as fast as you can. And if, for some reason, you live up that direction and aren’t making the trip to Toronto, make sure you give it your best to be at the three awesome shows we’re playing on the way home. Pittsburgh, Columbus, and Cleveland.

AUGUST-SEPTEMBER TOUR.
This is a big one. Get ready, SouthEast, South, SouthWest, West, NorthWest, and… Center (you should be called the MidWest, but somehow Ohio already claimed that). We’re coming for you.

We’re starting it off right by driving down to Orlando, FL to play the shit out of Nerdapalooza 2012. We’re not just playing one show… we’re playing two. That is one more show than one show. One night of Protomen, and one night of Queen. From there, we’re going to play our way across the country to the West Coast, where we will then play our way up the West Coast to the NorthWest, after which we will play our way across the middle of the US on our way home. That’s a lot of playing our way places, but that’s what we do. Be there to see it happen.

For those of you who have been asking… Yes, it’s true. We have once again been summoned by the PAX Lords (they demand that we call them Lords) to play some jams up in Seattle, and once again we have accepted their summons. As always, we couldn’t be more excited to play those jams for the Lords of the PAX and everyone else, but unfortunately, if you don’t already have a pass to PAX, you probably aren’t going to be able to hear those jams. It sold out immediately. For those of you who already have a pass… congratulations, you are the victor/s. However, Seattlonians… if you didn’t get a PAX pass, don’t cry tears out of your face. You can catch us the day after PAX at El Corazon. Our show there last year was amazing, and so it shall be again. Don’t miss it!

If you see a location near you on the following list, grab your tickets before they’re gone (some dates don’t have ticket links – we are trying to rectify that).

JULY
05th – Toronto, ON – Echo Beach (with Tenacious D… Again!)
07th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar
08th – Columbus, OH – Ruby Tuesday Live
09th – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Ballroom

AUGUST
04th – Orlando, FL – The Beacham (NERDAPALOOZA FEST)
05th – Orlando, FL – The Beacham (NERDAPALOOZA FEST)
08th – New Orleans, LA – House of Blues
09th – Houston, TX – Fitzgerald’s
10th – Dallas, TX – Prophet Bar
11th – Austin, TX – Red 7 —- ALL AGES
12th – San Antonio, TX – Korova
14th – Tucson, AZ – The Hut
15th – Phoenix, AZ – Rhythm Room
17th – San Diego, CA – Soma
18th – Las Vegas, NV – Hard Rock
22nd – Anaheim, CA – Chain Reaction
23rd – Los Angeles, CA – The Roxy
24th – San Francisco, CA – Broadway Studios/Mabuhay Gardens Room
25th – Reno, NV – Alley
28th – Portland, OR – Hawthorne
29th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore
31st – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (sold out) (show day tba)

SEPTEMBER
01st – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (sold out) (show day tba)
02nd – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime (sold out) (hanging out this day)
03rd – Seattle, WA – El Corazon
05th – Salt Lake City, UT – Kilby
06th – Denver, CO – Marquis Theatre
08th – Oklahoma City, OK – Conservatory
09th – Memphis, TN – Hi-Tone

*more ticket links are on the way. Keep your one good eye trained on our Tour Dates page for updates.

Makeup And Vanity Set and 88:88.
Some of you know about this already, so I apologize ahead of time for talking to you like you don’t know anything. Last month, Makeup And Vanity Set released his soundtrack album to the short film 88:88 (if you don’t have it already, you should fix that… it’s awesome). At some point during the month, it came to our attention that the film was entered into a fight to the death in the Youtube film festival. We need your help to smash all of the other films (as good as they may or may not be). If they get into the top 10, 88:88 gets into the Venice Film Festival. If they win, Ridley Scott gives them a $500,000 production grant. Click on the awesome GIF below to watch the film and vote once a day until the internet breaks.

Holy shit, this is a long mailer,

-Commander

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So, we’re home from the No Survivors Tour 2012 and Tenacious D Vancouver show, and I’m here to tell you that it was the most. We had a blast playing with Powerglove and Danimal Cannon. We especially enjoyed having Danimal in the bus with us for 6 days. We’ve never had more fun watching someone sleep (in the creepiest way possible… don’t tell him our secret). The tour may have been short, but we all know it’s really about the motion in the ocean… right?

Our Vancouver show with Tenacious D was absolutely amazing. We can’t thank those guys enough for asking us to play that show. They were nicer than you can really imagine, and they played like demons. They are absolutely ridiculous live, and we urge you to catch their show when it comes around you. To get you warmed up, you should grab their new Rize Of The Fenix album (just don’t give it to 7 year olds). But most importantly, a huge thank you to all of our people who came out and represented for us (you know who you are). You brought thunder with you, and in turn, you made the show for us. Thank you.

AAANNND… if it wasn’t awesome enough to play with them once, Tenacious D has asked us to play with them again! This time on the other side of Canada. East coast, this is your chance to come party with us and the D in Toronto. The show is at Echo Beach Amphitheater on July 05th. Judging by the last one we did with them, you really don’t want to miss this.

And for those of you who were hit by the recent 3 show cancelation tornado (due to our cross country Tenacious D trip), know that we’re doing everything in our power to get those shows rescheduled following the new Tenacious D Toronto show. So far, we’ve had some luck. Pittsburgh and Cleveland are confirmed for July 07th and 9th (respectively).

JULY
05th – Toronto, ON – Echo Beach (with Tenacious D… Again!)
07th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar
09th – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Ballroom

*keep an eye on our Tour Page for additional shows. also keep an eye on our Facebook and Twitter situations for more info.

The Protomen Present: A Night Of Queen
As of today, A Night Of Queen has been released to the digital world on iTunes and Amazon (as well as other online stores). If for some strange reason you don’t like touching physical things, we recommend you download the shit out of it (legally, of course).

As for the “Night Of Queen” release show on June 22nd, we’ve had a new addition (not to be confused with New Edition) to the show. Our friends The Non-Commissioned Officers are joining the show as Iggy Pop And The Stooges! So that means we’ll have The Protomen as Queen, The Remones as the Ramones, and The Non-Commissioned Officers as Iggy Pop and The Stooges… all in one night. Shit’s going to be crazy. If you haven’t gotten your tickets already, I’d suggest you get them soon. They’re about to start disappearing quickly. Don’t miss out.

JUNE
22nd – Nashville, TN – Exit/In (A Night Of Queen Album Release)

Makeup and Vanity Set Action!
MAVS just released a ridiculously awesome soundtrack album for the upcoming film 88:88. You should go out and buy it 5 times. Then find the movie and watch it 5 times.

Traginus… every time,

-Commander

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Sorry for having to sit on this mailer for a few days. Lots of things in the works.

I’ll go ahead and start with the Awesome news…
Several days ago, I got fancy phone call from some fancy people associated with some other fancy people that were asking us to play a fancy show with them at a fancy venue in a fancy town for a lot of fancy people. After first shitting myself and then immediately telling them no-way because of fierce (not so fancy) scheduling difficulties, I came to realize that fancy people like this only come calling every-so-often, so we decided I should call the fancy people back and try to “work it out.” And “work it out,” we did…

I know you’re pooping yourself right now in anticipation, so I’ll just cut the long-winded jackalackery right now and tell you. Tenacious D asked us to play with them next month in Vancouver. It’s going to be absolutely amazing. We’ve been wanting to do this for a very long time.

Now for the Bad news…
The Tenacious D show is in Vancouver, BC on May 27th. Unfortunately, this means that we have to bow out of the last 3 shows at the end of our tour with Powerglove, Creature feature, and Danimal Cannon. We wish there was another way, but in order to get from Buffalo, NY to Vancouver, we need those three days of driving cross country. It saddens us to no end to have to drop out of some of this upcoming tour, but when the D calls, you tell him no at first because of scheduling woes, but then realize how stupid you were for telling the D no, and then you call him back with acceptance in your heart.

Powerglove is going to continue on without us. If you’ve already purchased tickets, we urge you to attend even though we won’t be there, because they’re still going to be awesome shows. If you haven’t gotten your tickets yet, you can still get them at the links below. Bring the thunder in our stead.

MAY
25th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar
26th – Howell, MI – Bled Fest
27th – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Ballroom

But back to another bit of good news about the tour coming up. A new show has been added in NJ. Bamboozle Festival. This year has Foo Fighters, Bon Jovi, Anamanaguchi, Hot Water Music, Periphery, Gaslight Anthem, and Dramarama. We played this fest back in ’08 and it was super fun. We ate a bunch of food and then jumped on the Gravitron for free. The Gravitron conductor then decided that he wanted to see if he could crush our bones with centripetal force. I think he succeeded. I was positive that I had internal bleeding afterwards and we all thought we were going to vomit for the next 3 hours. Good times.

Either way, you should get your tickets to this one because it’s going to be super fun (Foo Fighters are even playing that day so they can come watch us…), and maybe if you’re lucky, we’ll vomit on you.

And you’d better not forget about the rest of the shows on that tour that are still happening to the maxxx. There are some tickets left, so you’d better grab what you can now. Bring everyone you’ve ever known. They deserve it (as a gift or as punishment).

MAY
04th – Nashville, TN – Brick Factory —- 18+ (Cancer Dancer Party) *DJ SETS ONLY*
18th – Worcester, MA – The Palladium —- ALL AGES
19th – Asbury Park, NJ – Bamboozle Festival —- ALL AGES
20th – West Chester, PA – The Note —- ALL AGES
22nd – Montreal, QC – Katacombes —- 18+
23rd – Toronto, ON – The Hoxton —- 19+
24th – Buffalo, NY – Mohawk Place (Tickets On Sale Soon) —- ALL AGES

27th – Vancouver, BC – PNE Ampitheatre (with TENACIOUS D!!!)

Now for the Queen news…
It’s finally time to unleash the Queen Beast. We’ve been teasing the shit out of you with all the snippet stuff, but the time is finally come to fully announce it and start the inevitable pre-sale shenanigans. Photography for the cover was done by none other than Matt Sundin (co-director for the Light Up The Night video), and the Logo and other artwork was illustrated by M.L. Hope. It’s at the printers right now getting all gussied up, so we figured it was safe to go ahead and show you what it’s going to look like and give you a chance to get your copy locked down. As always, this first run is limited, so make sure you jump on it quickly.

The Protomen Present: A Night Of Queen

Intro
Flash
Battle Theme
Don’t Stop Me Now
Killer Queen
Hammer To Fall
One Vision
Somebody To Love
Princes Of The Universe
Death On Two Legs
I Want To Break Free
Scandal
I Want It All
The Show Must Go On
Under Pressure
Bohemian Rhapsody
Due Vendetta
Outro

And if having our pretty faces on a compact disc isn’t going to be enough for you, we’ve got you covered. You’ll soon be able to wear us on your chest! Isn’t that the most exciting thing you’ve ever heard? We’re pretty excited about it. It’s going to be a nearly-black T-shirt (similar to the Act II shirt) with faces printed on the front and text logo on the back. That’s one pretty shirt…

As usual, there are exciting combo packs available for those of you who hate ordering items separately. Below is the shirt and Compact Disc combo. You should totally get it.

And for those of you who were with us on that fateful night, December 10th, 2010, you may remember (or maybe you purchased one there) the poster we had made for the show. Either way, there are only about 60 left, so if you want one, you’d better get it now.

That’s a lot to take in. There were a lot of ups and downs (really only 3 downs, and if you don’t live near any of those places… no downs!), so I’m going to stop here. I believe you’ll be able to take all these bits of new news and make the best of it. And for those of you who got hit hardest by the bad bits, take those lemons and make some lemonade and shit (I hate lemonade). Take a trip to Vancouver… Canada needs you! …but they probably don’t want you. Either way, we hope to see you all next month in some form or fashion.

GORDON’S ALIVE,

-Commander

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Firstly, I’d like to thank everyone that came out to the Music Hall of Williamsburg on Sunday to be an extra in our Light Up The Night music video. I’d especially like to thank all of the crazy assholes who endured the cold hard rain and stuck with us till the end (5am). I know you were all sore the next day from all the fist pumping, and some of you more than likely stricken with a fierce case of the pneumonias, so I just want you to know that we know we can’t thank you enough. I will say that after reviewing some of the footage, there is no way in hell you’ll be disappointed by the final product.

Secondly, as you should know by now, we’re on tour on the upper East coast, and we’re playing several super fancy shows. And with that prior knowledge, you should know that we’re playing PAX East in a few days (and if you don’t have your passes already, get them immediately). What you probably don’t know is that at PAX East, we’re playing Act II in it’s entirety with a 5 piece string section (and trumpet) from Boston called The Boston Massacre Five. This is going to be incredible. If you don’t believe me, smell my breath… It tastes like homemade licorice.

In further tour-like news… guess what, East coast… We’re coming right back at you next month. And this time we won’t be alone. We will be co-headlining a short tour with Powerglove, and will be joined by Creature Feature and Danimal Cannon (as made famous by Metroid Metal and Arm Cannon). It’s going to be one hell of a quick tour, so grab your tickets before they’re gone as shit.

MAY (PROTOMEN/POWERGLOVE TOUR)
18th – Worcester, MA – The Palladium —- ALL AGES
20th – West Chester, PA – The Note —- ALL AGES
22nd – Montreal, QC – Katacombes  —- 18+
23rd – Toronto, ON – The Hoxton  —- 19+
24th – Buffalo, NY – Mohawk Place (Tickets On Sale Soon) —- ALL AGES
25th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar —- ALL AGES
26th – Howell, MI – Bled Fest —- ALL AGES
27th – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Ballroom —- ALL AGES

This new info in no way means you should forget about our current awesome dates. What happens if you all happen to say “I’ll skip this one for the next one” or “I’ve already seen them so I’ll skip the next one”… what happens is we have a bust of a show, and then we can never come back to your town. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you? Think about it.

APRIL
06th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES – PERFORMANCE DAY 
07th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES (no show, hangin out)
08th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES (no show, hangin out)
09th – Cambridge, MA – Middle East —- 18+ (with MC Frontalot + The World is Square)
10th – Lancaster, PA – Chameleon Club —- ALL AGES

MAY
04th – Nashville, TN – Brick Factory —- 18+ (Cancer Dancer Party) *DJ SETS ONLY*

As for our live Queen album… It’s coming next month.

More announcements coming soon,

-Commander

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Attention Makeup and Vanity Set Loving Cancer Haters,
Firstly, allow us to congratulate all of you on aligning yourselves perfectly with the likes and dislikes of The Protomen. We too Hate cancer…almost as much as we love Makeup and Vanity Set.

That being said, we have a bit of bad news.

As some of you may have already noticed, the Makeup and Vanity Set vinyl release party tomorrow night has been canceled. Our beloved MAVS has had an unfortunate family emergency which has called him to travel north this morning. We don’t feel right celebrating the release of his work without him. We’ve decided to postpone the celebrating until he can return to us (we are only postponing the party… not the album release). The Brick Factory has graciously allowed us to pencil in Quatro De Mayo (The 4th of May…o) as the new date. Thank you all for your understanding and we look forward to seeing each of you dance your asses off with us on May 4th. All tickets already purchased will be honored on the new date or refunded if you can’t make it (make contact with the purchase point if you would like the refund option). Keep your eye out for a mailer in the near future that will have all the hard facts about the reschedule.

To those of you who are not in the Nashville area and were never planning on attending… now you have more than a month to plan. Stop goofing off and come goof off with us.

In other news:
If you signed up by today (03/16/12) for the Light Up The Night video, I’d say it’s safe to assume you made the cut. If you need to book your flights and such, you needn’t worry about not getting in. However, if you applied and are under 18, we are very sorry to inform you that this has been confirmed to be an 18+ ordeal.

Sorry for the semi-downer email, but we’ve got plleennnnty of sweet ass things coming soon… like THIS!

-The Protomen

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Things are about to get the most real.

On March 17th, we will be having a super awesome dance party in Nashville to celebrate the release of this action –

Yep. A giant pallet of awesome landed in front of Murphy’s house and after he hacked it open with a machete…this was the only copy still in one piece. We figured if we threw a rock-n-roll dance party…you guys could get drunk and help us glue them back together. We hate gluing stuff back together by ourselves. In fact, the only thing we hate more than gluing stuff back together by ourselves… is Cancer.

That’s right! If you’re looking to put your Irish debauchery-bone to some good use on St. Patrick’s Day/Night… while getting your copy of the limited edition Makeup And Vanity Set Presents: The Protomen picture disc vinyl… and dancing the night away with your favorite robot rockers, we’ve got good news for you. The party’s proceeds are going to benefit the American Brain Tumor Association!

We’re thinking of calling it “The St. Patricks Day ‘Fight Brain Cancer while Killing Brain Cells’ Dance Party”

If you don’t think you can make it to the release party, don’t freak out. Pre-Sale for the records starts NOW. As well as this new limited edition Commemorative 525SEA Cassette T-Shirt!

Pre-Order the record and shirt separately, or as a super efficient combo.

SUBJECT CHANGE!
———–
Due to unforeseen circumstances (google sending our mailer to nearly everyone’s spam box), the veil of secrecy about this next part has been lifted. Ignore the parts that relate to spreading it like the herp. You can spread it any way you wish.
———–
This next part is a super secret, so don’t go spreading it around like the herp (you can spread it to hot girls, though… that didn’t exactly come out like I wanted, but I hate deleting things, so I’ll just keep going with this sentence that could have been avoided had I just worked up enough courage to use the backspace button). On our way up to Boston for PAX, we’re stopping off in NYC to shoot a video for Light Up The Night (for reals). It’s going to be one hell of a thing, and we’re going to need the help of all those who want to hang out with us all day and make Hollywood (…or NY) movie magic. It’s a daytime shoot on Sunday, April 1st (not fake). We’re going to need 150 extras to bring some scripted thunder. The production will be automatically accepting the first 100 applicants and will be choosing the rest by headshots that we’d like you to submit. We aren’t requiring head shots, but if you do, it sort of doubles your chances for getting some screen time (but maybe not. I’m terrible at math).

Unfortunately, we don’t have a unicorn that shits money, so all we can give you in exchange for your time is a free ridiculous Proto-show at the end of the day/night for everyone who is involved. And probably a great deal of terrible snacks of some variety.

TO SIGN UP – send an email to the following address and state your name in the subject line and attach a photo of yourself (photo not required, just highly recommended) – protomenvideo@gmail.com

Be aware that there may be age restrictions due to the shoot location, but we will inform you of all the details like age restrictions, shoot location, and suggested wardrobe, as soon as possible. All of said communication and details will come from the protomenvideo@gmail.com account.

SORT OF SUBJECT CHANGE!
As you probably have already guessed, because we’re heading up the East coast to shoot this amazing video and play the super awesome PAX, we’ll be making a few exciting stops along the way. Check out the following list (and don’t start crying baby tears if you don’t see your town listed, we’ve got a not so distant secret):

MARCH
10th – Cincinnati, OH – Great Wolf Lodge A&G *ALL AGES*
17th – Nashville, TN – Brick Factory – 18+ (Cancer Dancer Party) RESCHEDULED
25th – Asheville, NC – Emerald Lounge —- 21+
26th – Chapel Hill, NC – Local 506 —- ALL AGES
27th – Richmond, VA – Kingdom —- ALL AGES
29th – Teaneck, NJ – Mexicali Live —- ALL AGES

APRIL
01st – NYC – (Video Shoot)
03rd – Danbury, CT – Heirloom Arts —- ALL AGES
06th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES – PERFORMANCE DAY
07th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES (no show, hangin out)
08th – Boston, MA – PAX —- ALL AGES (no show, hangin out)
09th – Cambridge, MA – Middle East —- 18+
10th – Lancaster, PA – Chameleon Club —- ALL AGES

MAY
04th – Nashville, TN – Brick Factory – 18+ (Cancer Dancer Party) *DJ SETS*

More April dates to be announced soon. Keep your eye on our TOUR page (for updated ticket links), as well as our Facebook and Twitter (for just general awesomeness).

And last but not least, coming soon to a Compact Disc Player player near you… CLICK ME FOR EXCITEMENT.

People on the streets.

-Commander

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Only two days left before we drop a glorious hammer upon you. After much deliberation, and since the occasion is such a special one, we have decided it’s time to show you the fancy poster we’ve made for this most-fancy of shows at the Metro.

This [to be] screen printed poster will be available at the show in short supply. If any survive the night, they will go online the following day at 10am at the SoundMachine Store.

Thanks to Caspar for putting it together. Thanks to Mechagodzilla for just being there.

-Commander

p.s. – If you haven’t gotten your tickets for the show… Shame on you.

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