So, we made it back from Australia in one piece (well, 9 pieces). Needless to say, it was an amazing trip. We’d like to thank everyone that made it out to our shows down there. And we’d especially like to thank everyone who helped us get down there and actually make it all happen (Yug at PAX Aus, Mike from Bird’s Robe, Mana Bar, Brett Tollis… our official Australian sound guy, Toehider, MC Frontalot, and Jack at Shiny Entertainment).

Even though it was an amazing trip where we met a lot of awesome people, played some great shows, ate some of the best food we’ve ever eaten, and saw all kinds of fancy Australian things, we did have to ride around in this stupid looking turd box for nearly two weeks…

…and we’ll carry those scars for the rest of our lives.

We were supposed to be getting like a sweet Black Sabbath (or something equally as tough) painted van, but at the last second it turned into high scooby doo. To be fair, it did the job it was supposed to do and Wicked Campers did save us a lot of money on rentals, but come on… could it look any dumber? So, we’re equal parts praising and cursing Wicked. The interesting thing was the fact that if we were driving around in America in that monster, we’d have been pulled over  and harassed every three miles. But there are no cops in Australia and the streets are paved with meat pies!  Or… the cops just have better things to do than harass poor souls riding around in an ugly van… like fighting highway marauders that terrorize the roads in awesome death machines, looking for that precious juice!

And to all you people who told us that it was a fools errand to drive from Melbourne to Sydney at night, and that we’d certainly die on the highway because of the sheer volume of kangaroos, wombats, and other assorted wasteland critters jumping out in front of us…… shut your mouths. We didn’t see one shittin’ thing on that trip! You had us so damned excited to see (and run over) awesome Australian wildlife, and we saw absolutely nothing. Talk about a ferocious letdown. Kilroy wept so hard that his milk dried.

So even though we had a great time down there, I’m now 100% certain that Australia has no wildlife. In fact, we didn’t eat any Kangaroo until we were sitting on the beach in LA. That being said, kangaroo burgers are pretty strange.

I’d like to take a second to shine a spotlight on one courageous soul. The following dude (who’s name we’ll never know) won the prize for being the only person to come to every one of our Australian shows. Looks like the rest of you Aussies are a bunch of slackers! What was the prize, you ask?

Panther’s aviators and my clip-ons. He was promptly run over by a car, because he couldn’t see a damned thing when he walked out of the venue.  R.I.P., Dude Who Came To All Of Our Australian Shows… R.I.P.

AUSTRALIAN MERCH STORE (WORLDWIDE ONLINE STORE)
If you missed out on our Australian merch while we were there, or if you’re from somewhere else in the world and want one of those sweet Protomen Australia Camp shirts, today is your lucky day. Our Australian online store is now live. We’ve also added the new merch link on our website. You can get all manner of limited edition stuff (like Kangaroo Camp shirts, Postcards, Signed Australia Tour posters, and iPhone Cases, and the original Protomen logo shirt that hasn’t been around for a while), so get it before it’s all gone!

THE FUTURE
Let’s switch gears and talk about America for a bit. We just added a few awesome shows in the next month or so, and you should know about them. We added Denver, Portland, Vancouver, and Seattle. A few more may be on the way, so keep your good ear to the ground.

AUGUST
09th – Cincinnati, OH – Indie Summer Series (Fountain Square) *FREE*
10th – Nicholasville, KY – The Pocket  *+18*
24th – Denver, CO – Moon Room
27th – Portland, OR – Hawthorne Theatre 
28th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore Cabaret
30th – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime  (Paramount Theatre) **show day**
31st – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime  **hanging out**

SEPTEMBER
01st – Seattle, WA – PAX Prime  **hanging out**
02nd – Seattle, WA – El Corazon

As usual, follow/like us on our Facebook, Twitter, and Tour Pages for any last minute changes to schedule (and other announcements that may come between mailers). If you’re doing the Facebook thing, be sure you’ve done this: **click on “liked” and make sure “get notifications” and “show in news feed” are checked.

We’ve got some stuff to tell you about in the next mailer, so strap on your strap ons… anybody out there like Terminator and/or Shakespeare?

-Commander

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