Dear Everyone,
It’s only been a little over a week since leaving Nashville, TN, United States, North America, America, Western Hemisphere, Earth, for this leg of the Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11, but we’ve already found ourselves in some hairy situations. Turbo Lover entered the Skyhammer in a Georgia Tech demolition derby death match (a GTDDDM, if you will)… where she got her right ear ripped off. Kilroy won controlling stock in FanGamer in a no-holds-barred arm-wrestling death match (a NHBAWDM, if you still will)… And every member of the band was beaten in the Conway Twitty “Conway’s Latest Greatest Hits; Volume I – contains the new hit single: “Ain’t She Somethin’ Else” Stare-Off of Death 2011 (Henceforth known as a CTCLGH;VI-CTNHS:”ASSE”S-OoD-11).
Seriously, go look at that album cover and try to make yourself believe you could beat a stare like Conway’s.

And now: The answer to the question that every single one of you have been sending to our electronic mailbox machine (don’t be acting like you didn’t email us about it… I’m pretty sure you drunk emailed us or something. Seriously… the things you said…): Capcomhas been nothing but nice to us since we got this beast rolling (even though we stole Seth Killian’s megaphone). Now, I can’t speak for the game cancellations, but the general vitriol surrounding Capcom at the moment needs to end. We understand that it’s upsetting to see a game you’ve been waiting for get cancelled at the last minute, but maybe now is the time to focus on letting them know how much we all need that Protomen/Man Game to be made… (OK, I think that’s enough self promotion and exploitation of a situation for one email).

As for the untimely destruction of the ProtoSite, We’re investigating suspects and have narrowed it down to these possibilities:

1. The Player Vs Performer 2011 tour currently battling it out on the east coast collided with the Hot Summer Nights ProtoTour causing a hurricane of nerdery so powerful that it took down our broadcast HQ off the coast of Florida.

2. The Megas hacked our site during a break in their recording schedule for their new album, “I Wanna Be The One.” Here is a leaked mp3 of that album’s title track.

3. Whitney Houston hacked our site because she’s livid that Murphy Weller was cast instead of her in the hotly anticipated sequel to Waiting To Exhale. Waiting To Exhale II: Still Waiting.

Now on to more important and real news… The August West Coast Of America Tour!

Since our recent perceived bout with near death, we’ve decided it best to rename the next leg of our 2011 tour, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now,” in honor of our dear friends in Starship.

JULY – Hot Summer Nights ’11 Pt 2.

26th – Wilmington, NC – Soapbox Laundro-Lounge
27th – Greenville, NC – Live Bar
29th – Wilmington, DE – World Cafe
30th – Baltimore, MD – Bourbon Street Ballroom – BitGen Festival
31st – Asheville, NC – Bele Chere Festival

AUGUST – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
04th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
05th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
06th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (we play this day)
07th – Indianapolis, IN – GenCon – (hanging out)
13th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
15th – Oklahoma City, OK – Conservatory
16th – Houston, TX – Super Happy Fun Land
17th – Austin, TX – Emo’s
18th – San Antonio, TX – Jack’s
21st – Los Angeles, CA – Blue Star —- 18+
23rd – San Francisco, CA – Kimo’s
24th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act I
25th – Portland, OR – Lola’s – Act II
26th – Seattle, WA – El Corazon
28th – Seattle, WA – Post-PAX Party
29th – Vancouver, BC – Biltmore Cabaret
30th – Spokane, WA – A Club

SEPTEMBER
01st – Winnipeg, MB, Canada – IA – Pyramid 7
03rd – Davenport, IA – Redstone

Get excited about the new shows, but don’t you dare forget about the last 5 shows of our Hot Summer Nights Tour ’11. We have some of the most ferocious shows of the tour coming up… like two different Wilmingtons, the ever lovely Greenville, NC, Baltimore’s ferocious BitGen Fest, and Bele Chere Festival.

In other news, our Act I Record release show was amazingly sold out thanks to many of you. That night, we unveiled the 12″ and a new fancy shirt that you need. The first run of about a thousand records are nearly gone, so if you want one, you’d better try like hell to get to one of our shows in the next few weeks.

I’d like to tell you more of our deepest darkest secrets, but I’m riding in the bus right now on the way to Chapel Hill, NC and my fingers are bouncing around the keyboarfgsfgd’h’go.

Let ’em say we’re crazy.

-Commander

Tags: Protomen News // 8 Comments