Oh God.
Where have I been
What’s happened here?
…
The day is Wednesday, the 26th of May, year of our Lord 2000…something.
Today is the first day I can focus my brain since the beating we took in Greenville.

What can I remember…
There was the 14 hour bus ride/Indiana Jones marathon. I nearly won. I made it through the “Kali Ma Shakti de”…but the next thing I remember was “he no nuts…he crazy.” So really…no points for Temple of Doom.

What else…
There was Greenville.She was just as we left her…completely insane and brimming with the most bizarre creatures the night has ever born.
There was the Baby Dinosaur Guy.He fell to the floor in front of me and showed me how dinosaurs freed themselves from the egg-prison. His presentation ended with him screaming “If I cannot have life, then I will TAKE LIFE!” and then leaping onto some poor bastard’s neck and chewing on his ear.
Then there was the girl that Scartoe spoke to who was afraid that whales would somehow walk the earth again. This terrified her.
They had metal-workers. The head metalist forged a new MegaCannon from the fires of hell and the steel of the Devil himself. It was beautiful. It was heavy. It was magnificent.
Oh.
And we played a show.
Yes.
There was a show…I’m remembering bits and pieces now.
There were other shows.

Richmond, where the children run the streets with tattoos and clearly learn to party at age 9.

Connecticut, where the venues will let you sleep on the stage…for certain favors (Murphy took care of the details).

Boston, where the bars are built on the sun and the sweat fuels the machines that produce heat and feed it back into the bars.

Brooklyn, Where our old allies keep the fires burning all night, and then cook pizza upon them.

And Baltimore, Yes Baltimore. We love you the most. Although you’re a very strange bird. We’ll be back soon, honey.

And Snoop Dogg was there.
And we played on the New York Giant’s practice turf.
And we rode the Gravitron until we vomited with joy.

The Tour was a success, from what I can recall.
Thanks to everyone who made it the hazy blur that it was.
Those who played…those who offered shelter…those who provided food…those who turned the PA up until the death rang out properly…and that asshole at the motel in New Jersey who would not…I repeat, would not…let us sneak 11 people into a room reserved for two…Mola Ram… prepare to meet Kali… in Hell.

There have been other shows that need to be mentioned.There were benefits and battles that went unsung.Wax Fang…you will always be in our hearts (mostly because you broke into Thunderstruck at some point during the set…your rendition of ACDC brought Gumby back from hell.)

USN(University School of Nashville) and the kids at Zeitgeist…fantastic showing. We are fans. We are allies.

WRVU and WMTS…there are few people we love enough to stop swearing long enough to talk on air to…we are forever yours.

Springfield and Chicago…we learned some pretty disturbing things about Lincoln. Did you know that they had the minivan of outhouses? Look it up. Family style…creepy.

We’re hard at work now to make Act II a reality.We even showed some of the material to the more discerning(read: drunk) crowds this last run up the eat coast.With their official thumbs up…we will proceed.

Also…we have started a line of fancy Patches. Buy them. Buy them in large numbers. Many. Buy them. Be Fancy. Be fancy 10 times over.

Starting today, it’s time to start our street team attack. If you are interested in being on the Super Proto Street Team Attack To The Proto Death Attack Street Team(S.P.S.T.A.T.T.P.D.A.S.T)…FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS:
Step 1:
Go to the Protomen Forum.

Step 2:
Register with whatever name you feel just. Make it good.
*If you are already registered on the Forum, skip this step and continue to Step 3.

Step 3:
Email us HERE: lightbrigadestreetteam@gmail.com ….telling us your ScreenName and Location. Please put your State and Screen Name in the SUBJECT line.

Step 4(is our responsibility):
We will read the email and then grant you access to the Super Secret Street Team portion of the Forum: COMMAND STATION.

Lastly,
I need to make clear the rumors that Doug Fetterman made a Baltimore appearance.Ladies and Gentleman, Doug Fetterman is and will forever be…gone from us.He was our friend. He was our most beloved leader and confidant. He will forever live on in our music. Last month was the one year anniversary of his passing. That being the case, we have decided to commemorate this fallen hero with our newest shirt. I guess we’ll just have to figure out what that “one thing” is on our own. We’ll miss you, Doug.
Viva Fetterman…long live the king.

Man, this message is long….I guess that’s what I get for being silent for 6 months now.

You know what they say…
Fortune and Glory kid, Fortune and glory,
Panther.

Tags: Protomen News // 4 Comments