Welcome to the wonderful world of Presidents Day. If you’ve never been President, guess what. This is not your day. Come on, now… cut that out. Don’t start crying. You can go get your own day… or better yet, become President! I know… exciting, right? Well, unless you weren’t born in the US. If that’s the case, I guess you’re shit out of luck. This will never be your day. Unless that law from Demolition Man gets passed and Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes president. I guess you should probably get your ass to Washington and start lobbying to get that law passed… for your sake, and for Arnold’s… and for Demolition Man‘s credibility. If not for Arnold or yourself, do it for Demolition Man.

Speaking of Demolition Man, it’s almost that time again. The snow is about to start melting, bears are about to wake up and make their bear-sized cups of coffee in their bear houses, and we’re about to go on tour again. It’s nature’s cycle.

Here’s what we’ve got on the books so far (a few more shows may pop up between now and then, so keep your eye out if it looks like we’re coming close to you):

MARCH
02nd – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge *FREE SHOW – 21+
12th – Birmingham, AL – Zydeco
14th – Austin, TX – Empire Control Room (SXSW) – 8pm
15th – Dallas, TX – The Door
17th – Knoxville, TN – The Bowery
20th – New York, NY – Santos Party House
22nd – Boston, MA – PAX East (show day)
23rd – Boston, MA – PAX East (hanging out)
24th – Boston, MA – Middle East (PAX Afterparty)
26th – Danbury, CT – Heirloom Arts
27th – Teaneck, NJ – Mexicali Live
29th – West Chester, PA – The Note
30th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar *All Ages
31st – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Tavern

APRIL
02nd – Toronto, ON – The Hoxton
03rd – Ann Arbor, MI – Blind Pig
04th – Grand Rapids, MI – The Pyramid Scheme
05th – Indianapolis, IN – Old National Centre
07th – Chicago, IL – Lincoln Hall
09th – Dekalb, IL – The House Café
10th – Madison, WI – High Noon Saloon
11th – Minneapolis, MN – 7th Street Entry *18+
12th – Eau Claire, WI – No Brand Con (show day)
13th – Eau Claire, WI – No Brand Con (Q&A day)
14th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
27th – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Ten Years Of Fury)

**More shows and ticket links may show up in the next few days. Keep your eyes on our Tour Page, and get ready.

SUPER AUCTION PARTY
So, here’s the deal, we’re kicking off a new situation where we auction off our old shit and give some of the money to charity. We’ve been thinking long and hard about how we should think long and hard about what to call this new auction initiative, and I think we’ve finally landed on this catchy title, “The Protomen Auction Off Their Old Shit And Give Some Of The Money To Charity.” Man, that’s a good title. It’s so good, I don’t think we could have come up with a better title if we had actually thought about it! No less than 25% of this auction action will benefit the American Brain Tumor Association and Childs Play. The remainder of the proceeds will go to helping us buy less broken shit.

Here’s what we have to offer so far:
Murphy’s Original Big Bass Drum Head
Turbo Lover’s Suit
Sir Robert Bakker’s guitar
Reanimator’s Custom Kick Drum Head
Panther’s Flash Shirt and Aviators
Commander’s “Hope Rides Alone” Drum Set

More stuff will more than likely appear in the future. Keep your eye on our Facebook and Twitter situations in case anything new pops up before the next mailer.

Speaking of charities, our friend Jonathan Coulton is sticking it to the man while doing some serious good for The VH1 Save the Music Foundation and the It Gets Better Project. Check it out, and support the causes.

AUSTRALIA TOUR
Hey Australianesians, do you know of any good bands down there that we should tour with in July?  If so, send an email to contact(AT)soundmachinerecords(DOT)com … also, does your water spin clockwise or counterclockwise down the pooper drain?

JULY 
19th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)
20th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)
21st – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)

The Last Cassette Unicorn
Just a heads up to you slackers who haven’t gotten your “Drove All Night” cassette already… you’d better quit slacking and grab one immediately. They’re almost gone… FOR…EEV….VEERRR…

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And with that, I’ll close with a couple pertinent Presidential Quotes:

“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” -George Washington

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we didn’t go to rock shows.” -Abraham Lincoln

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Be well,

-Commander

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