It’s been nearly 10 years since this death train started rolling, and if you’ve ever seen the late Tony Scott’s 2010 film, Unstoppable, you’ll know that it’s gonna take both Chris Pine and Denzel to stop us… and neither one of those dudes even know we exist. Nothin’s gonna stop us now! To celebrate, we’re throwing a super fancy birthday party for ourselves at Mercy Lounge this Saturday (27th). It’s gonna have all the exciting things that a good 10 year old birthday party should have (except rollerskating… maybe next time we’ll have a Jimmy Caan Rollerball party!). Come for the free cake, ice cream, balloons, face painting, and piñatas… stay for the rock and roll excitement! Get your tickets here, and get them quick… people like ice cream and balloons. And if any of you bring Chris Pine or Denzel to our show, we’ll kick your ass.

APRIL
27th – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Ten Years Of Fury) **18+

Joining us on Saturday is the always amazing Makeup And Vanity Set and our long time friends (but first time show-mates… sort of) Hanzelle! But speaking of Makeup And Vanity Set… if you haven’t already checked out his/their (he just got a super good drummer) new EP, you should do so immediately. It’s really freaking good. Listen/Buy it here.

Also, the super fancy 10 year anniversary poster you see above will be on sale at the show on Saturday. It was put together by Caspar at Version Industries and will look very nice on your wall or in your cubicle. As usual, if any survive the night, they’ll go on sale at the Sound Machine Store the following morning (Sun. 28th) at 11:59am CST.

Protomen with Andrew W.K.!
In case you somehow missed it in the last mailer, we’re finally getting to play a show with Andrew W.K. at the end of next month in Covington, KY (Cincinnati area)! It’s going to be amazing, and you should be there to bask in the party. Get tickets before they’re gone.

MAY
26th – Covington, KY – Madison Theater (with Andrew W.K.) **ALL AGES

AUSTRALIA 
If you haven’t gotten your PAXAus passes yet… guess what. You’re shit out of luck. They’re super sold out.

The good news is… we’re gonna play more Australia shows besides PAX! We’ll give you more info on that as soon as we can. Until then, start spreading the word down there. We’ll need all the support you can muster. We’ll also need a pet wombat. Get ready.

JULY
19th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBA)
20th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBA)
21st – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBA)

*more shows for Australia on the way. Stay tuned.

You can’t make me quit,

-Commander

So, we’re about a week into this tour and it’s been some kind of good. Birmingham was great, SXSW was fun, and Knoxville was fancy, but I’m not writing this mailer just to tell you how much fun we’ve already had. I’m writing this mailer to tell you how much more fun we’re GOING to have. On top of the already great lineup of shows we have coming up, a few new shows have been confirmed since the last mailer and it’s time to tell you about them. *Note – If you’re sad that we’re not playing your town, believe me, we’ve shed just as many cry baby tears. But remember that the only way for us to someday get to your town is by playing shows in other towns.

Don’t forget that we’re playing at Andrew W.K.s Santos Party House tomorrow night. It’s seriously one of the most fun venues that we play, so don’t miss out. If you haven’t already gotten your tickets, get on it. They may be gone by tomorrow. And I know this one doesn’t count as a newly announced show, but you’ll soon see that it works as an acceptable segue, so deal with it.

Speaking of Andrew W.K…. (see that segue?? like butter.)
We’re opening for him in Covington, KY (Cincinnati-ish) on May 26th! We’ve been wanting to play with him since we started this band. And I’m not talking about playing kickball or something (we already did that with him in 2004… while blasting a newly mixed “Hope Rides Alone” over a big PA system. Looking back, it seems really strange, but I’d like to think it made us all better people). I’m talking about playing a fancy show with him, and it looks like it’s about to happen. And if you get tickets right now, you can save a couple dollars by entering the following code on the ticket page: theprotomen

That code is only going to work for a very limited time, so get on it quick and spread the word!

MAY
26th – Covington, KY – Madison Theater (with Andrew W.K.) **ALL AGES

TEN YEARS PARTY
On April 27th, 2003, we were balls deep in the studio writing, recording, mixing, and then releasing a little ditty called “Fade To Phil.” That little ditty turned out to be “Due Vendetta.” It’s been ten long years since that fateful Dodge’s Chicken filled night when we inadvertently started this band, and we thought we’d advertently celebrate those ten years on April 27th at Mercy Lounge in Nashville. Tickets aren’t available yet, but keep your schedule clear for that day. It’s going to be one hell of a thing. I’ll probably let you know on this mailer machine, but just in case, pay some attention to our Facebook and Twitter situations.

27th – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Ten Years Of Fury)

Another show that’s appeared since the last mailer is the PAX After Party with MC Frontalot, Bright Primate, and The World Is Square. The one last year was amazing, and this one looks like it’s going to be even better. Live it.

Here’s the full list of shows. Get tickets before they’re gone.

MARCH
20th – New York, NY – Santos Party House
22nd – Boston, MA – PAX East (show day)
23rd – Boston, MA – PAX East (hanging out)
24th – Boston, MA – Middle East (PAX Afterparty)
26th – Danbury, CT – Heirloom Arts
27th – Teaneck, NJ – Mexicali Live
29th – West Chester, PA – The Note
30th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar *All Ages
31st – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Tavern

APRIL
02nd – Toronto, ON – The Hoxton
03rd – Ann Arbor, MI – Blind Pig
04th – Grand Rapids, MI – The Pyramid Scheme
05th – Indianapolis, IN – Old National Centre
07th – Chicago, IL – Lincoln Hall
09th – Dekalb, IL – The House Café
10th – Madison, WI – High Noon Saloon
11th – Minneapolis, MN – 7th Street Entry *18+
12th – Eau Claire, WI – No Brand Con (show day)
13th – Eau Claire, WI – No Brand Con (Q&A day)
14th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
27th – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Ten Years Of Fury)

MAY
26th – Covington, KY – Madison Theater (with Andrew W.K.) **ALL AGES

JULY
19th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)
20th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)
21st – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)

See you soon,

-Commander

Welcome to the wonderful world of Presidents Day. If you’ve never been President, guess what. This is not your day. Come on, now… cut that out. Don’t start crying. You can go get your own day… or better yet, become President! I know… exciting, right? Well, unless you weren’t born in the US. If that’s the case, I guess you’re shit out of luck. This will never be your day. Unless that law from Demolition Man gets passed and Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes president. I guess you should probably get your ass to Washington and start lobbying to get that law passed… for your sake, and for Arnold’s… and for Demolition Man‘s credibility. If not for Arnold or yourself, do it for Demolition Man.

Speaking of Demolition Man, it’s almost that time again. The snow is about to start melting, bears are about to wake up and make their bear-sized cups of coffee in their bear houses, and we’re about to go on tour again. It’s nature’s cycle.

Here’s what we’ve got on the books so far (a few more shows may pop up between now and then, so keep your eye out if it looks like we’re coming close to you):

MARCH
02nd – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge *FREE SHOW – 21+
12th – Birmingham, AL – Zydeco
14th – Austin, TX – Empire Control Room (SXSW) – 8pm
15th – Dallas, TX – The Door
17th – Knoxville, TN – The Bowery
20th – New York, NY – Santos Party House
22nd – Boston, MA – PAX East (show day)
23rd – Boston, MA – PAX East (hanging out)
24th – Boston, MA – Middle East (PAX Afterparty)
26th – Danbury, CT – Heirloom Arts
27th – Teaneck, NJ – Mexicali Live
29th – West Chester, PA – The Note
30th – Pittsburgh, PA – Altar Bar *All Ages
31st – Cleveland, OH – Beachland Tavern

APRIL
02nd – Toronto, ON – The Hoxton
03rd – Ann Arbor, MI – Blind Pig
04th – Grand Rapids, MI – The Pyramid Scheme
05th – Indianapolis, IN – Old National Centre
07th – Chicago, IL – Lincoln Hall
09th – Dekalb, IL – The House Café
10th – Madison, WI – High Noon Saloon
11th – Minneapolis, MN – 7th Street Entry *18+
12th – Eau Claire, WI – No Brand Con (show day)
13th – Eau Claire, WI – No Brand Con (Q&A day)
14th – St. Louis, MO – 2720 Cherokee
27th – Nashville, TN – Mercy Lounge (Ten Years Of Fury)

**More shows and ticket links may show up in the next few days. Keep your eyes on our Tour Page, and get ready.

SUPER AUCTION PARTY
So, here’s the deal, we’re kicking off a new situation where we auction off our old shit and give some of the money to charity. We’ve been thinking long and hard about how we should think long and hard about what to call this new auction initiative, and I think we’ve finally landed on this catchy title, “The Protomen Auction Off Their Old Shit And Give Some Of The Money To Charity.” Man, that’s a good title. It’s so good, I don’t think we could have come up with a better title if we had actually thought about it! No less than 25% of this auction action will benefit the American Brain Tumor Association and Childs Play. The remainder of the proceeds will go to helping us buy less broken shit.

Here’s what we have to offer so far:
Murphy’s Original Big Bass Drum Head
Turbo Lover’s Suit
Sir Robert Bakker’s guitar
Reanimator’s Custom Kick Drum Head
Panther’s Flash Shirt and Aviators
Commander’s “Hope Rides Alone” Drum Set

More stuff will more than likely appear in the future. Keep your eye on our Facebook and Twitter situations in case anything new pops up before the next mailer.

Speaking of charities, our friend Jonathan Coulton is sticking it to the man while doing some serious good for The VH1 Save the Music Foundation and the It Gets Better Project. Check it out, and support the causes.

AUSTRALIA TOUR
Hey Australianesians, do you know of any good bands down there that we should tour with in July?  If so, send an email to contact(AT)soundmachinerecords(DOT)com … also, does your water spin clockwise or counterclockwise down the pooper drain?

JULY 
19th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)
20th – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)
21st – Melbourne, AUS – PAX Aus (show date TBD)

The Last Cassette Unicorn
Just a heads up to you slackers who haven’t gotten your “Drove All Night” cassette already… you’d better quit slacking and grab one immediately. They’re almost gone… FOR…EEV….VEERRR…

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And with that, I’ll close with a couple pertinent Presidential Quotes:

“Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” -George Washington

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we didn’t go to rock shows.” -Abraham Lincoln

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Be well,

-Commander