Just a quick update for everyone out there in need of a quick update.

Since it’s April… and it’s 2014… we calculated with our abacus that it’s been 10 years since our first show, and what better way to celebrate than to make a new shirt out of our very first poster design? Well, here you go… it’s a new shirt of our very first poster design! These are crazy limited (only 144 made), so get yours before somebody else does.

Speaking of posters…

This poster was drawn by The Goon‘s very own Eric Powell and designed by Version Industries‘ own Caspar Newbolt, for our very own us. These are also very limited, so if you want that pretty drawn picture of us, you’d better get this poster before we run out of paper.

VANS WARPED TOUR PRESENTED BY JOURNEY’S
In just a little over a month, we’ll be setting out on our biggest adventure yet. Vans Warped Tour 2014. It’s gonna be 52 days of fury… a little under two months of pain… 42 hot ass shows… and a buttload of fun. Come hang out with us all every day, so we can sweat all over each other!

JUNE
WARPED TOUR
13th – Houston, TX – Reliant Center Parking Lot
14th – San Antonio, TX – AT&T Center
15th – Dallas, TX – Gexa Energy Pavilion
17th – Albuquerque, NM – Isleta Amphitheater
18th – Mesa, AZ – Quail Run Park
19th – Las Vegas, NV – Luxor Lot
20th – Pomona, CA – Pomona Fairplex
21st – Mountain View, CA – Shoreline Amphitheatre
22nd – Ventura, CA – Seaside Park
25th – Chula Vista, CA – Sleep Train Amphitheatre
26th – Wheatland, CA – Sleep Train Amphitheatre
28th – Southeast Auburn, WA – White River Amphitheater
29th – Portland, OR – Portland Expo Center Parking Lot

JULY
02nd – Maryland Heights, MO – Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
03rd – Noblesville, IN – Klipsch Music Center
04th – Toronto, ON – Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
05th – Montreal, QC – Parc Jean Drapeau
06th – Holmdel, NJ – PNC Bank Arts Concert Center
08th – Darien Center, NY – Darien Lake Performing Arts Center
09th – Scranton, PA – Toyota Pavilion
10th – Mansfield, MA – Xfinity Center (formerly Comcast Center)
11th – Camden, NJ – Susquehanna Bank Center
12th – Wantagh, NY – Nikon at Jones Beach Amphitheater
13th – Hartford, CT – Xfinity Theatre (Formerly Comcast Theatre)
15th – Burgettstown, PA – First Niagara Pavilion
16th – Cincinnati, OH – Riverbend Music Center
17th – Cuyahoga Falls, OH – Blossom Music Center
18th – Auburn Hills, MI – The Palace of Auburn Hills
19th – Tinley Park, IL – First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre
20th – Shakopee, MN – Canterbury Park
22nd – Columbia, MD – Merriweather Post Pavilion
23rd – Virginia Beach, VA – Farm Bureau Live At Virginia Beach
24th – Atlanta, GA – Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood
25th – St. Petersburg, FL – Vinoy Park
26th – West Palm Beach, FL – Cruzan Amphitheatre
27th – Orlando, FL – Central Florida Fairgrounds
28th – Charlotte, NC – PNC Music Pavilion Charlotte
29th – Nashville, TN – Tennessee State Fairgrounds
30th – Milwaukee, WI – Marcus Amphitheatre
31st – Bonner Springs, KS – Cricket Wireless Amphitheater

AUGUST
02nd – Salt Lake City, UT – Utah State Fairpark
03rd – Denver, CO – Sports Authority Field at Mile High

And finally, here’s a list of things that are still happening, even if we don’t talk about them all the time (in no particular order):
1) Covers Album
2) Act II Vinyl
3) Light Up The Night video.
4) Documentary
5) – – –  – – – (use your imagination)
6) Seeecrettss
7) More seeeeecrettss

See you in the heat,

-Commander

Hey everybody. Guess what. It’s 2014. That means it’s just one more year until our cars can fly and run on trash. We’re so close to the future that I can just taste it. But since we’re still stuck in the now, we’ll just have to keep driving around on our shitty streets and filling our cars with our shitty petroleum. Seriously. One. More. Year. Self-lacing shoes… Pizza Hydration Machines… that snotty kid with Elija Wood telling us that our video games are like a baby’s toy… Jaws 19… We’re so close. But while we’re waiting, we’ve got all kinds of awesome things lined up for this interim year, and we can’t wait to show you our stuff (not our junk…….. maybe our junk).

Before we get deep up in the future of the present, I’d like to do a quick rundown of a few of the awesome things we did in 2013. We went to Australia, released Terminator The Second soundtrack and movie, played a show with Andrew W.K., drank lots of Mexican Cokes, and played lots of other fancy shows. There were, of course, other awesome things in 2013, but Mexican Cokes sort of beat them all out for mailer real estate. Better luck next 2013, other awesome things…

Speaking of Australia… if you haven’t gotten your Australian Merch already, you’d better get on it quick. Most of that stuff is about to disappear for good. It’s still on sale with a 30% markdown, so now’s the best time to get it before it’s gone forever. I don’t see nearly enough Protomen Mad Max Kangaroo Camp shirts in the wild… I’m just saying. And remember, you don’t have to be in Australia to use this store, you just have to have an internet. This is your last chance.

THE GOON.
In 2009 we played a super bad ass 10 year anniversary party-celebration-show at Cannery Ballroom, for our friend Eric Powell’s super bad ass comic, The Goon. If you don’t know about The Goon, you should probably get to knowing about The Goon. Did you read all of that link and internet order all of his books? Good… we can carry on then. Well, it’s been 5 years since that fateful night, making it now the 15 year anniversary of his super bad ass comic that you now know all about (right?). So what do you think is gonna happen next? Take a guess……. No, we’re not going on a Billy Ocean themed Caribbean cruise (although I wish we were)….. We’re having another anniversary party-celebration-show!!! And guess where it’s gonna be? That’s right! Cannery Ballroom. And guess what else?? Our unashamedly Texan friends, Urizen, will be there with us! Before the show gets started, there’s gonna be a one hour meet and greet with us and Eric from 7-8pm, so get there early and we’ll sign your boobs. Eric will also be showing off an all new sneak peak of his David Fincher produced Goon major motion picture that night, so don’t miss it! We’ll also have an Eric Powell-drawn limited edition poster for sale at the show, so don’t forget to grab one.

MARCH
08th – Nashville, TN – Cannery Ballroom (Goon 15th Anniversary)

This is more than likely the only show that we’ll be playing before June for the following reason/s…

WARPED TOUR US & CANADA 2014
If you’re a twitter savvy type, you’ve probably noticed a lot of talk about us playing Warped Tour this year. Well, it’s officially official. We’re playing all 42 dates of Warped Tour this summer. It’s going to be one grueling hellride, but it’s going to be the most fun grueling hellride any of us have ever been on. 42 days of summertime pain. See you there!

JUNE
13th – Houston, TX – Reliant Center Parking Lot
14th – San Antonio, TX – AT&T Center
15th – Dallas, TX – Gexa Energy Pavilion
17th – Albuquerque, NM – Isleta Amphitheater
18th – Mesa, AZ – Quail Run Park
19th – Las Vegas, NV – Luxor Lot
20th – Pomona, CA – Pomona Fairplex
21st – Mountain View, CA – Shoreline Amphitheatre
22nd – Ventura, CA – Seaside Park
25th – Chula Vista, CA – Sleep Train Amphitheatre
26th – Wheatland, CA – Sleep Train Amphitheatre
28th – Southeast Auburn, WA – White River Amphitheater
29th – Portland, OR – Portland Expo Center Parking Lot

JULY
02nd – Maryland Heights, MO – Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
03rd – Noblesville, IN – Klipsch Music Center
04th – Toronto, ON – Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
05th – Montreal, QC – Parc Jean Drapeau
06th – Holmdel, NJ – PNC Bank Arts Concert Center
08th – Darien Center, NY – Darien Lake Performing Arts Center
09th – Scranton, PA – Toyota Pavilion
10th – Mansfield, MA – Xfinity Center (formerly Comcast Center)
11th – Camden, NJ – Susquehanna Bank Center
12th – Wantagh, NY – Nikon at Jones Beach Amphitheater
13th – Hartford, CT – Xfinity Theatre (Formerly Comcast Theatre)
15th – Burgettstown, PA – First Niagara Pavilion
16th – Cincinnati, OH – Riverbend Music Center
17th – Cuyahoga Falls, OH – Blossom Music Center
18th – Auburn Hills, MI – The Palace of Auburn Hills
19th – Tinley Park, IL – First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre
20th – Shakopee, MN – Canterbury Park
22nd – Columbia, MD – Merriweather Post Pavilion
23rd – Virginia Beach, VA – Farm Bureau Live At Virginia Beach
24th – Atlanta, GA – Aaron’s Amphitheatre at Lakewood
25th – St. Petersburg, FL – Vinoy Park
26th – West Palm Beach, FL – Cruzan Amphitheatre
27th – Orlando, FL – Central Florida Fairgrounds
28th – Charlotte, NC – PNC Music Pavilion Charlotte
29th – Nashville, TN – Tennessee State Fairgrounds
30th – Milwaukee, WI – Marcus Amphitheatre
31st – Bonner Springs, KS – Cricket Wireless Amphitheater

AUGUST
02nd – Salt Lake City, UT – Utah State Fairpark
03rd – Denver, CO – Sports Authority Field at Mile High

CHARLES PARK TRILOGY
In other exciting news, Makeup And Vanity Set just released his Charles Park compact disc collection today. The first 100 copies sold get all kinds of awesome things, like an amazing new John DeLucca drawn poster and super fancy packaging design by Caspar Newbolt, buttons based off the artwork, and remixes of several jams. One of those jams is a new version of “Search The Night,” and it features vocals by our very own Raul Panther and guitar work by Sir Robert Bakker. This is the first time these albums have been available in physical form, so don’t blow it for yourself by thinking you can just pick them up later, because who knows how long they’ll last? More info HERE.

Holy shit, this is a big mailer. I think it has to take the record for longest mailer so far (someone go check that, and then we’ll have an awards ceremony). I swear the next one will be shorter… or will it??!

-Commander

You didn’t think we wouldn’t get in on this ridiculous weekend sales action, did you? But we’re not just doing it today, oh no, we’re taking it all the way through the weekend. Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Sunday, and Cyborg Monday. I know most of you are probably coming down from a tryptophan overdose right about now (who cares if it may be a myth), but don’t sleep through these barn busters… or door burners… or whatever. Just get on these deals while the gettin’s hot.

Sound Machine Store
Nov. 29th – Dec. 2nd (Friday-Monday)
20% OFF EVERYTHING
Discount Code: cyborg20

Australia Store 
(REMEMBER: anyone in the whole wide world can order from this world wide web store, and once stuff’s gone, it’s gone)
30% OFF EVERYTHING
Discount Code: (no discount code needed. everything is discounted already)

TERMINATOR
William Shakespeare Presents: Terminator The Second is now available at the Terminator The Second website. There’s no fancy sale for it, but it’s already only $10 for the movie+soundtrack album combo, so skip that steak dinner at Western Sizzlin and pick it up ASAPOECBHIGCTYHABTA (that’s an acronym for As Soon As Possible Or Else Commander B. Hawkins Is Gonna Come To Your House And Beat That Ass). Now, with the usual threats out of the way, I’d like to give a big thanks to everybody that made it out to the release show. It was quite the jam. Speaking of the jam…

NEW YEARS EVE
On December 31st, we’re going to play our last show 2013… or is it???…… but seriously, it is. The show is at Exit/In and we’re playing with Diarrhea Planet, Ri¢hie, and No Regrets Coyote. It’s going to be one hell of a show, so don’t miss it.

DECEMBER
31st – Nashville, TN – Exit/In (New Years Explosion)

Robots go shopping, too.

-Commander