The Resolutions of the Resolute.

As the new year begins we pause to reflect on all the things that happened in the Year of Our Lord 2008:

– We began the year in the midst of a losing battle with facial hair.

– We travelled to Detroit, where our calzones froze to the bottom of our ill-insulated tour bus.

– We travelled to Dragoncon and killed a man with our rock fury (Old Greg, you will be missed).

– We traveled to Chicago, New York and Los Angeles only to find that as big as they are, the real rock and roll kids live in Greenville, South Carolina.

– We were brutally attacked by a grown man in a Gumby costume while playing Kenny Loggins.

– The Merchant Fell.

– The Thundercon Fell*.

– Demon Barber Fell*.

– Gas Prices Fell (after we’d finished touring for the year).

Doug Fetterman stayed fallen.

But after all this, we end this year on a high note. We’d like to thank the Nashville Scene for making it official:
The Protomen are a big deal.

However, Big Deal or No Deal, Howie, this year will not be won easily. Even now, like a pair of T-Rexes attacking a camper in a movie devoid of Sam Neil, the second battle begins:

News from the Department of Destroying the Competition:
The Deli Magazine has thrown down yet another gauntlet. We have decided to take the challenge, for… what choice do we have but to defend our honor.
Help us show the world that the members of The Protomen Army are nothing if not internet voting machines.

Here is your task, fair allies:
This is easy –
Go Here:
Click the little dot next to The Protomen.
Rinse and Repeat…well, not really the “Repeat” part, since it’s a one time vote. But you should certainly Rinse.

Know that the spoils of this war would greatly aid in the development of Act II.

Tell your friends.
Tell your neighbors.
Go to your Grandmother’s house and guide her feeble tech-inept hands to the cyber-voting booth, tell her we’re the Ronny Reagan of Rock and Roll.

We must destroy the competition. Otherwise they’re just going to come back again in 6 months with another poll.
It ends here, Comrades.
It ends now.

News from the Act II front:
Our newest ally, Alan Shacklock (you may know him from such past projects as “The Protomen present Father of Death – the 7 inch Single“. I think he’s done other things as well, but his credentials aren’t in front of me right now.) has joined us for the whole of Act II. This will be the most fierce and terrifying creation the Protomen have ever created after promising it for 3 years. And the most anticipated, to boot.
Don’t worry kids, when the frost breaks, you shall have your vengeance.

News from the office of the “Keep Supporting The Protomen by Buying Stuff Dept”:

“Heath Who Hath No Name” will now be known as “Heath Who Hath Decided To Retire His Trusty Hollow-body Ibanez Guitar.”

See the full story….HERE.

News from the Bureau of Bookings:

These are the scheduled battles of the New Year:
Jan 10 – The End – DJ sets w/ Left Can Dance & MAVS – Nashville, Tennessee
Jan 13 – 527 Main Street – with Destroy Destroy Destroy – Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Jan 15 – The Exit/In – with Destroy Destroy Destroy – Nashville, Tennessee
Jan 16 – MERCY LOUNGE 6TH ANNIVERSARY – Nashville, TN
Jan 17 – Halfway to Forecastle Festival *ALL AGES* @ Green Building – Louisville, Kentucky

We’ve only got 4 more years until the Mayan Calendar runs out…Let’s make them count.

-Panther

* more on this later.

7 Responses to “The Resolutions of the Resolute.”

  1. Come do battle in Florida, I demand it.

  2. Demon Barber? Demon Barber?!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. The Merchant? Demon Barber!? THE THUNDERCON!?

    Keep fighting, you guys. Wily may have won some battles, but he has NOT WON THE WAR. Stay strong, keep the faith, and know that Hope Still Rides.

    (And if it’s not too much to ask, could you come back to Ohio? :p)

  4. Sounds good to me. Tell Demon Barber to walk it off, and I certainly hope nothing important was in the Thundercon when it fell.

  5. From the ashes only greatness can arise.

    The battle must be brought, and it must be brought to the East Coast! (Boston specifically)!

  6. Yes! Yes, Boston!

  7. why am i just finding out about this now?
    i am ashamed of myself…
    was this sent out to the mailing list?

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