Death Race 2007

December 13th, In The Year of Our Lord, 2007

As the sun rose on the Thundercon, the day after the Last Battle of The End, some awoke to the sound of men dying, some never woke up at all.

 

I was one of those that never awoke.

 

The death had come for me. It was a valiant beating we gave the forces of evil that fateful night, but I had left myself open to the most sinister weapon the robots could think of… S.T.R.E.P. Throat.

 

 This new post is long overdue, faithful readers. I’ve been dead. For that, I apologize. 

 

Here is the News:

 

Firstly, We’d like to thank all who travelled from near and far for the battle on Dec. 1st.

 

I’m pleased to announce that the verdict is in…We were victorious. But this was no easy victory. We were forced to fight with half as many men as we needed. 

 

The End made a grave mathematical error.

 

The End’s Official Story is this:

 

The End’s Official Story

 

…So that’s why many of you were turned away at the door.

 

It is possible that The End will eventually get it’s Ability to let more than 125 people in the door back…and thus become a good venue once again. Unfortunately, Commander is easily scared and made us turn that movie off before we could see the conclusion. 

 

So that’s it. We have lost faith in The End. 

 

We shall play there no more.

 

The Protomen New Deal:

EVERYONE GETS IN!

 

To make it up to you, Nashville, we are joining forces with our brothers from the north: Wax Fang.  On January 12th we will battle to the death with Wax Fang and long-time allies, The Velcro Stars, at the Mercy Lounge…the Biggest Venue in all the Land! (not true)

 

Furthermore, it is entirely possible for you to buy tickets now to ensure you will be among the fighters fighting the fight that night.  (Alright!)

 

Here is the link to the Ticket Purchasing Department at the Mercy Lounge:

The Ticket Purchasing Department at the Mercy Lounge

 

What else… what else…what…else…what…

 

A Sea King-sized thank you to all those helping with the

“Protomen take over College Radio Station Airwaves Campaign” 

As of last week we broke the top 100.

Our New Year’s Resolution: Breaking the top 90!

Keep up the good work comrades.

We will be Victorious!

 

I was just handed a communiqué from Murphy regarding future shows.

It reads:

 

Panther, 

Don’t forget to mention these shows in your news post. (stop) 

 

Feb 8 —  Louisville, KY @ Pour House w/ Ultra Pulverize (stop)

Feb 9 — Akron, OH @ The Hilton – The Protomen cut ties with The Marriott tour (stop)

Feb 10 — Detroit, MI @ Painted Lady Lounge (stop)

 

Ok, That’s it. I’ve got to head back to Eagleville for a few hours. (stop)

Then I have to switch out cars and go to my Mom’s house (stop)

I’ll be at the Thundercon in a few hours (stop)

-Murphy

 

 

I think that’s all the news so far.

 

Except this: Commander has discovered an NES game he’s never played: Cliffhanger.

He played it today and it’s pretty awful.

Way to go Sony Imagesoft…way to go.

We expected better from you.

 

Also, We had a few of you very concerned with 525-SEA at the last battle

All i can tell you is this:

Keep your ears tuned to the proper channels. 

 

I wanna bop with you… baby, 

Panther

 

-End Transmission-